If you’ve ever breastfed a baby you’ll know how your mind can wonder while you’re feeding. 

Here’s a totally real and totally relatable account of that beautiful, frustrating, painful, rewarding (insert any other word that applies!) time…

  1. FML.
  2. Ok, ok, ok.
  3. Let’s go kiddo.
  4. We’ve been through this, I have to unclip the bra…
  5. YOU HAVE TO WAIT A SECOND!
  6. It’s happening! Don’t cry! It’s happening!
  7. Ok mate, there ya go.
  8. Just put it in your mouth.
  9. It’s in there!
  10. Close your mouth!!!!
  11. C’mon!!!!!
  12. Just do it!!!!
  13. Maybe if I just squeeze a bit of milk in there…
  14. THERE YA GO!
  15. Ahhhh relax
  16. Actually maybe he isn’t on right…
  17. It doesn’t really feel right…
  18. Hmmm looks ok?
  19. Let’s just pop a finger in your mouth and try agai…
  20. OWWWW
  21. Oh, don’t cry!!!
  22. I should be the one crying!
  23. It’s in your mouth!!!
  24. Ok, there we go. That’s definitely better
  25. Look at you go…
  26. You’re so big now!
  27. I mean look, you take up my whole lap…
  28. You are really going for it there.
  29. Oops, you came off.
  30. Awww that smile though.
  31. Hello gorgeous!!
  32. I love you!!!
  33. Shit!!! Sprayed it!
  34. Must clean that milk off the couch later.
  35. Ok good, you’re back on
  36. Must have a shower later.
  37. When DID I last shower?
  38. Was it yesterday?
  39. .. maybe the day before…
  40. Was it the day before?
  41. Fuck.
  42. What the hell has happened to my life.
  43. STOP SMILING!
  44. Cheeky bugger…
  45. I love you though.
  46. And I love how your hand holds onto my bra.
  47. C’mon, back on.
  48. Maybe if I wiggle the nipple a bit…
  49. There you go!
  50. You make the cutest noises.
  51. And look at your tiny ears.
  52. It looks like a tiny map of Africa in your ear…
  53. Or a key…
  54. …To my heart!
  55. And you smell amazing
  56. sniff
  57. Whew, no poop.
  58. I wonder what’s on 9Life…
  59. Ooooh House Hunters!
  60. This guy is way too concerned with the size of the shed.
  61. How are you going down there mate?
  62. Happy = excellent.
  63. Totally owning this mum shit.
  64. I wonder what’s in the fridge?
  65. Choose House Number Two!!!!!!
  66. .. House Three? Loser!!!!!
  67. Of course I’m paying you attention…
  68. Wait, have you fallen asleep down there?
  69. Your eyes are totally closed…
  70. Helloooooo?
  71. Oh good, there you go again.
  72. And off again.
  73. Other side?
  74. I wonder if they taste the same…
  75. Surely, I had a shower yesterday…
  76. Ah, that’s better
  77. What do I want to do with my life?
  78. I mean, really, truly deep down?
  79. Oh god, is my bra leaving an imprint on his face?
  80. #mumoftheyear
  81. I wonder how long it is until Family Feud is on?
  82. Have you eaten enough mate?
  83. Maybe do you want some more?
  84. Let’s give it a go…
  85. Stop licking my nipple!!!!
  86. Ok, I think you are done?
  87. Are you done? You look done.
  88. You have the most beautiful eyes.
  89. I love you.
  90. I do.
  91. Forever.
  92. And ever.
  93. I’ve never been so in love.
  94. Arrrrggggh!!!!
  95. Spew! Spew everywhere!!!
  96. Where’s the cloth!
  97. What a fucking waste…
  98. You look pretty pleased with yourself though mate.
  99. Oh, you pooped too.
  100. Just as well you are adorable.
  101. Should take that shower I guess.

 

Author

Kate Lynford is a Melbourne mum of a newborn and a demanding toddler. Her hobbies include sleeping, occasionally showering and going to the supermarket on her own.

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