Dear Apple: Emoticons Mums Need in Their Life Now!

Dear Apple: Emoticons Mums Need in Their Life Now!

Woman holding a smiley face drawn on a white paper covering her face

Life’s better with emoticons right? Such sassy little pictorial ways to communicate.

But as writer Heidi Lewis explores there’s a few lacking from the catalog that mums need right now!

I have to admit it, I love a good emoticon. But for busy mums who are going about their day with their hands full and no time for long complicated texts, there are just a few more that I’d like to see. Some new additions could really help get a point across in quick pictorial fashion.

Hey Apple, here’s the new emoticons mums need in their life right now!

Poohsplosion

We’ve all been there. The moment you realize the nappy has just not contained all the mess. There’s pooh all up baby’s back and down their legs. To get that singlet off you just know you’re gonna get it all over your precious bundles cute little head too. Then you make the mistake of wiping the sweat from your brow. Except it’s not just sweat there anymore… To top it off the phone rings. Bloody hell. Problem solved. “Hey Siri, text husband poosplosion.’

I envisage this as an add on to the smiling face pooh emoji. Without that smiling face and with more… smeariness. Yep, that will more than do the job.

Tooth with horns

To explain your short temper, wet patches on the shoulder and all down the back of your shirt, the bags under your eyes, the constant rocking even when there is no child in your arms…. The tooth with horns says it all. You’re in teething hell. If somebody dares to ask how your day is, this one emoji could in fact save a life. You’ll just pop that on screen and quick smart everyone knows you’re tooth-deep in a milestone nightmare. Step away people if you receive the tooth with horns. Step away.

Angry pooh/grumpy turd

I have to say that smiling pooh emoji makes no sense to me. He (I’m sure it’s a he) needs an antithesis. Husband acting like an overgrown child? Remind him with the grumpy turd emoji. Grandma checking in to see how her little precious angel (who by the way hasn’t slept but has thrown several ear-piercing tantrums) is today? Grumpy turd emoji to the rescue. Bestie checking in to see how you’re doing today? Grumpy turd. So many uses! How is this not a thing already? Bring on the grumpy turd.

Gassy

Yes, I know there’s already a ‘fart’ emoticon. But it’s so darn polite. Just a little white puff of cloud. I’m sorry but PMS gassiness is just not that polite. So, your man texts you throughout the day, it’s clear he’s hinting he wants some “sexy time” to be happening once the little tackers finally (FINALLY) hit the hay. The catch is, you not only have PMS, but you ate the remainder of miss three’s baked beans after she refused them for lunch. So not sexy. I do believe a greenish-tinged, slightly less polite, little puff of cloud would be explanation enough. No words needed. Please bring home chocolate instead. And keep a safe three-metre radius.

*Side note: Little boy gassiness is also not polite. Green glassy cloud emoticon is a perfect warning to potential visitors that your little monster is not so much fun to cuddle right now. There’s so many uses for the new ‘next-level gassy’!

Not listening

MIL giving unwanted advice? Partner wants to know what it is that you actually did all day? Child is telling you about his Minecraft adventures for the 600th time? Sister-in-law bragging about how her precious one slept all night again? (Bitch!)

Ever wanted to just put your fingers in your ears and say ‘lalalalalalala not listening!’? How cool would it be to have this emoticon? Yep, this one is killer.

Come to think of it I may actually use this one in real life… so much potential Apple! SO MUCH POTENTIAL!

What are your favourite emoticons? If you could ask apple for just one emoticon to improve your Mum life what would it be?

 

Heidi Lewis
Heidi is a teacher and single mum of four who goes to gym in order to indulge her love of cheesecake. Raising kids with ADHD and Aspergers is fast, chaotic and often hilarious, but she wouldn't change a thing. Heidi recovers with good chick lit, writing and Netflix after bedtime.