Mother in laws. What the actual f*ck. Is there some unwritten agreement amongst them that when their sons get hitched they no longer have to have any kind of filter?
We think there must be. Because from what we’re hearing at Mum Central, mothers-in-law feel completely freaking free to say and do whatever the hell they want.
Cue the Mother in Law from Hell!
Obviously it’s better for marital relations not to kill them so here’s a little list to, at minimum, make you realise you’re not the only long suffering chick with a complete (delete as required) bitch / crazy / overbearing-child-rearing-expert / mother in law from hell in your life. It’s our best ever list of Sh*t Mother In Laws Need To Stop Doing, as told to us by long-suffering wives…
1. Bringing food over. Because their son needs it.
When I invite my Italian mother in law for dinner she regularly brings a meal with her despite knowing that I have cooked. It pisses me off no end especially when she says ‘Well Donny really likes his mumma’s cooking…’ One of these days it’s going to slip out that Donny really likes his wife’s blowjobs – let’s see who wins this battle lady.
2. Making judgements. About stuff they know nothing about.
My ex MIL thought that only irrepressibly horny women wore tampons. She believed they could make you want too much sex and were thus best avoided so as not to have illicit desires at improper times. She was appalled when I went grocery shopping with her sister and bought tampons. Apparently I embarrassed her. I wish I was joking. (Via Flying Cat Potato)
3. Wishing you were the ex.
My mother in law really liked my husband’s ex girlfriend. So much so that she called me ‘Not-Amy’ as her idea of a joke for many years. Amy actually cheated on my husband and is now happily a lesbian. She’s still apparently a better candidate wife than I am.
4. Assuming their sons are angels we have corrupted.
The first time I met my mother-in-law (before we were married) she asked me point blank if I was a virgin. When I looked shocked and uncomfortable at my boyfriend (we’d been dating over six months) she screamed ‘Wait, did you steal my son’s virginity?!‘ For the record, my boyfriend was not a virgin when I met him – and he had more than double the notches on his bed post that I did.
5. Having no boundaries what-so-ever and on so-many-levels
My mother in law bought me a David Jones voucher for my birthday. It seemed innocent enough until when I thanked her and she said, ‘I thought you might like to get yourself some nice lingerie. I know what my son likes and having hung your sad sallys on the line you might want to think about something new. Men don’t stray when they get what they like at home…’ I wear Bonds.
6. Thinking their son can do better than you, or get a new wife altogether!
My mother in law suggested my husband should go on the Bachelor! I was sitting right there and said ‘But he’s already married’ and she deadpan replied, ‘Well, maybe he could meet someone new.’ (Via: Reddit)
7. Commenting negatively on the looks of their grandchildren
My mother in law is a freak about medical things. One of our kids is short, so she tried to convince me that he would have a miserable life and we should take him for a procedure where his leg bones will be broken and metal rods would be inserted so he’ll be taller. It’s important to know that she says it’s my fault he’s short because I don’t force him to drink milk. Obviously it has nothing to do with the fact that I married into a family of short people – she’s 5′ tall! She couldn’t explain to me why people allergic to milk are not uniformly short. My husband said he thought I was going to jump across the table with my butter knife and cut her face off… (Via:Rants in Mommy Land)
8. Taking credit for good-looking grandchildren.
My mother in law said to my daughter’s ballet teacher, in front of my daughter and I, that it was obvious that Asha got her poise from the paternal side of the family because ‘clearly the mother is quite ungainly’. I didn’t even know that was a word people still used.
9. Commenting on your spending. Or who earns what.
I bought my mother in law Tiffany and Co earrings for her birthday thinking I was doing something nice. She commented in front of me to her friends how I had ‘horribly expensive taste‘ and that I was ‘always spending his money‘. Firstly I bought them for her. Secondly I didn’t have the nerve to tell her I earn three times what her precious high achiever does!
10. Commenting about their sons as lovers.
My mother in law is quite the open book. She asked me if my husband ‘sexually pleased me’. When I tried to politely gloss it over she said ‘I taught him everything he knows about sensuality. Just because you grew up in a prudish household don’t let that hold you back…He has needs you know..’ Up until then nothing had ‘held me back’. After that moment I had so many questions and quite the taste of vomit in my mouth.
11. Criticising the way we parent.
My mother in law told her friend (in front of me) that my children were raised ‘free range so don’t expect them to have good manners.’ I’m a normal suburban mum and we have plenty of rules. I dared to tell her in reply that ‘I live with the product of your parenting and it is 45 years old and still leaves the toilet seat up!’ I thought she’d back off but she replied ‘Surely that’s your job, dear, I mean he works so hard!’ We have four kids (including twins) under six years and I’m a part time intensive care nurse.
If you’ve got a great mother in law – lucky you! We’ve heard some whispered urban legend that there are some good ones out there! If you’ve got the garden-variety-troll like these gals above take comfort in knowing you’re not alone.
The good news however about getting on badly with your mother-in-law is that a study has shown women who enjoy a positive relationship with their in-laws actually have a 20 per cent greater chance of separating. So keeping up the battle could actually be increasing the odds of keeping your marriage alive! Who would have thought!?