Dear Facebook Mums, oh my mistake. Let me start again. Dear Perfect Social Media Mums,

Just wanted to write you a quick little note on how grateful I am for you. I mean, let’s be honest, how else would I know how badly I’m failing as a mother, let alone as a human being.

How do you do it? Us mere mortals with our screaming, tantrum throwing, spaghetti soiled clothed children can barely do a single thing right. But there you are, in your perfectly coordinated outfit, a full face of makeup, your hair effortlessly chic, while I run around in thongs, a pair of old denim shorts, a top that’s got vom on it and yep a mum bun. Of course, I’m also sweating, I’m always sweating. It’s a nervous sweat I’ve developed – it comes on just as my child has thrown himself to the floor because I forgot his dummy.

Your child doesn’t have a dummy anymore, the thought disgusts you and when I post online asking desperately for help on how to wean my child from it, you confidently and annoyingly quip, ‘Oh my daughter Linda, doesn’t use them, they’re bad for their teeth, we got rid of ours when she was a few weeks old.’

Thanks lady! Appreciate that lovely, thinly-veiled dollop of ‘my kids better than yours’.

It just never ends, especially when I was sleep deprived and my son was suffering from separation anxiety and NOBODY was getting sleep. I really loved the ‘support’, handed down when I shared with the group that I was taking him to Tresillian to get some help.

‘Oh god, I couldn’t dream of taking may daughter to some place like that!’, you exclaimed, ‘It’s all a bit barbaric, isn’t it? My daughter’s always been independent and a wonderful sleeper,’ you added.

Well Social Media Mum, I’m not sorry for reaching out and sounding like a total psycho. I’m not sorry at all. I’m not going to pretend that I’m totally fine when I’m drowning. I’m not going to shut other mums down when they ask for advice and I certainly am not going to add ridiculous comments that aren’t helpful and are totally condescending.

The issue is so much bigger than just a small comment here or there, it’s that you feel the need to add your two-cents. You’re not helpful, not even a little bit. You come off as a total bitch, someone who ‘just knows better.’ But why are you so high and mighty when we’re all in the same boat?

Sure, we all have our good and bad days but when you’re feeling down I sure as hell wouldn’t go and kick you while you’re down. It’s a dog act lady!

While you might be thinking, ‘I’m just trying to help,’ let’s be real honey, if you were trying to help you would really help rather than brag about your life and judge us. Do not try and be sweet when we know you’re bitter. You sound like (Mean Girl’s) Regina George when she compliments the girl about her skirt then turns around and says its fugly.

My own social media? It’s real. There’s no filters, editing or making anyone feel lesser. I’m not going to dress my son in hundreds of dollars’ worth of clothes for the ‘perfect pic’ or so he can be a ‘brand rep’, I take photos to create memories, share stories to share parts of my life and if I happen to share strife, it means I really do struggle, like most people. I’m human. I’m owning that I am so far from perfect I might not even know how to spell it!

So, while I know you’re the queen of advice, take some of mine. Stop with the bullshit.

Cheers,

The Non-bullshit Mums

Author

Alex is not your average mum, she's pretty much a hot-mess mum who relies too heavily on caffeine and Netflix. She adores her life with her one-year-old son and hubby. She's done time as a magazine writer and is venturing into an exciting new career as a beauty therapist.

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