How To Leave The House With 2 Kids In 28 Easy Steps

How To Leave The House With 2 Kids In 28 Easy Steps

how-to-leave-the-house-with-kids-2

Remember those days that leaving the house to go anywhere involved getting yourself ready, grabbing your bag and keys and just LEAVING THE HOUSE?

Then you became a mum and now you’re reading an article on how to leave the house with kids.

(Cue the Benny Hill soundtrack)

  1. Jump out of bed at 5:30am to the ‘alarm’ of youngest child screaming for milk.
  2. Try to trick youngest child into falling back to sleep by smuggling him into your bed for a cosy breastfeed.
  3. Just as you think youngest might actually be nodding back off to sleep, be woken by eldest child poking you in the back with a toy car.
  4. Give up on the dream of going back to sleep and get everyone up.
  5. Throw food in the general direction of children. Expect to have it thrown back at you.
  6. Make coffee.
  7. Chase youngest child around the lounge room in an attempt to change his nappy. Succeed in removing the nappy only to have him slip out of your grasp before you get a fresh one on.
  8. Clean up wee from the kitchen floor, corridor and lounge room rug.
  9. Finally succeed in fully dressing youngest child. Position him at the table with the iPad.
  10. Chase eldest child around house waving rainbow leggings and a pink t-shirt like a flag of surrender. Finally catch up to her in your bedroom, where she pretends to be asleep and completely ignores you.
  11. Dress ‘sleeping’ child, which is exactly like trying to stuff a doona into a too-small doona-cover.
  12. Return to lounge room to find youngest child has removed his trousers, although somehow still has his shoes on.
  13. Re-heat coffee.
  14. Put pants back on youngest, and scoop eldest child’s hair into a ponytail amidst much screaming and flailing of arms (yours and hers).
  15. Realise that you are not dressed yet. Quickly throw on pre-selected work-appropriate outfit, do one minute make-up job and bunch hair into a ‘messy bun’ (as described by Cosmo).
  16. Commence countdown of “we are leaving in 10 minutes”, at least 20 minutes before required departure time.
  17. Ensure bags are packed with required changes of clothes, water bottles, hats and nappies, after first removing yesterday’s artwork.
  18. Re-heat coffee (again). Drink half of it in one gulp. Burn mouth. Swear and pour the remainder down the sink.
  19. Bring toothbrushes into loungeroom so children can brush teeth while watching Ben and Holly.
  20. Brush your own teeth while ensuring all doors are locked and lights are off in the house.
  21. Turn off the TV, chase children out of the house, get eldest child to climb into her car seat while you strap youngest into his.
  22. Remove eldest child from the driver’s seat where she has pressed all the buttons and moved your mirror.
  23. Run back inside with eldest child who suddenly declares she needs the toilet.
  24. Rush back outside (leaving eldest child teetering precariously on the loo) after realising you’ve left the youngest child strapped in his carseat in the car… with the engine running.
  25. Remove youngest child and carry him back inside under your arm in the football hold.
  26. Help eldest child wipe bum, pull pants up and wash hands.
  27. Lift a child up under each arm and carry them both out into the car, strap them into their carseats and prepare to leave.
  28. Exit the driveway… and don’t look back.

Does this sound familiar? What do mornings look like at your place?

 

Rachel McDougall
Rachel McDougall is mum to two cheeky preschoolers - Little Miss and the Stuntman - and relies on coffee, sarcasm and sensible shoes to get through the day. When she's not negotiating cease-fires between her kids, or attempting to meet deadlines for her corporate communications clients, she also blogs at Toilets aren’t for Turtles about the absurdity of raising her tiny humans.
  • Danae Jo

    Yep! This is us every morning!! I am always late to everything!!!! Ours is normally
    Youngest wakes up -give bottle and I go back to bed because it’s too cold!
    Oldest wakes up comes and pokes me and climbed in for a snuggle
    Youngest wakes up again.. Have to get up..
    Make breakfast at least 2 times as oldest changes her mind on what she wanted and has a tantrum..
    Have shower while they eat breaky.. If I am lucky..
    Get both dressed after 4 tabtrumsnon what to wear from oldest..
    Then find shoes.. Hmm.. Yeah…
    Grab bags get out the door try Golding a squirming 1 year old and lock the door..
    Get in car..
    Drive out, drive back in to check I actually locked the door..( I have come back to door still open and unlocked!)
    Now drive! Drive! And hope I am on time! 🙂

    Love having kids! Lol.. 😉

    • The struggle is real Danae Jo!! Glad it’s not just me having trouble getting out the front door 😉

      • Danae Jo

        Exactly!! Mumma McD! I really try to get organised and into a routine.. Just doesn’t happen… Lol

  • Rach

    I’m just impressed that 1. She obviously had outfits prepared the night before, and 2. She could find her son’s trousers after he took them off. See, that’s where I go wrong. I hand my (slightly older) kids their clothes and they proceed to lose them before they make them on to their bodies… And it doesn’t matter that I put 5 clean pairs of socks in their underwear draw 2 days ago (or that I bought 15 new pairs on special less than a month ago), there is not a matching pair of socks to be found in the house.

    • Rach

      *drawer. Be kind. It’s been a long day. Lol.

    • Haha oh I hear you on the socks! I often send my kids off to daycare in mismatched socks. And then they come home wearing totally different ones. Gross!

  • Anthea

    And that’s just with two. Then add some lol

  • Joolz

    Just add cleaning up spilt food off the floor, tantrums over not wearing what they want for underwear, clothes, socks or shoes, starting a count to three at least once and asking to put shoes on ten times and that’s us.

  • Blossom

    Why are young children given so many choices?? When we were kids we put on what we were given to wear, no arguments. Put their clothes out ready the night before. We had to clean our teeth immediately after breakfast in thew bathroom, not wait until food and drinks had started to mess with our teeth- strict instructions from the dentist. Never leave your kid in the car if they are walking as they can climb through and push buttons, lock doors and you’ve got no keys. If they are strong enough they can release the handbrake.