How Young Are Kids Watching Porn & How Does It Blur What They Think is ‘Normal’?

A new report has confirmed the how young kids watching porn really is and what impact it has on what teen girls think about sex. It’s definitely a cause for concern. 

We’ve come a long way in terms of conversations around healthy sexual relationships and consent and it’s great to see so many resources that deliver this message to our teens. But a new report has confirmed that porn isn’t generally one of these helpful resources for our teens, especially our teen girls who are now (on average) starting to view pornography around the age of 13.6. This equates to teens in grade seven and eight and is a shocking drop of two years since 2018.

Kids Watching Porn So Young?

This early exposure is influencing how young people, particularly girls, perceive what’s normal in sex and relationships. Unfortunately, much of what they see skews their understanding of healthy intimacy and sets unrealistic expectations about what’s “normal” in the bedroom. This is deeply concerning, especially as many teenage girls become sexually active as early as Year 7 or 8.

Young boys are viewing porn or Googling pornographic images, in some instances even earlier. An earlier report suggested tweens as young as 12 are being exposed to porn. And 31% of those exposed are using this ‘research’ as their go-to source for sex education. 

According to the Our Watch report:

• 72% of surveyed teens say porn often shows violence against women. 
• 84% of surveyed teens believe that porn pushes stereotypes of what is expected of men and women in sex. In other words, they are using porn to ‘learn’ how to act in sexual situations.
• 73% of surveyed young people say that porn is degrading to women (young men: 65%, women: 80%) and
• 69% believe porn is harmful to women
• The younger cohort (16 to 17 years) were more likely to see porn as realistic (25%) than their older peers (15%).  

How Porn is Impacting What Teen Girls Think

But pornography isn’t exactly ‘child-friendly’ or real. It’s meant to be fantasy and it’s meant for people who know and understand this.

90% of porn on popular platforms depicts violence or abuse of women, and this is very, very concerning. 

Exposure to this violent porn, especially at a young age, is associated with a greater likelihood of men holding disrespectful and derogative attitudes that can lead to violence against women.  It also leads women to believe that this is okay. #ThisIsNotOkay 

Our Watch CEO, Ms Kinnersly, said the report shows an urgent need for young people to receive clear guidance and education about porn and the violence against women it frequently depicts.

“Research shows that violent porn can reinforce gender stereotypes and beliefs, which can lead to disturbing attitudes and violence towards women. It is concerning that online porn overwhelmingly portrays women as submissive, while men are shown as aggressive, controlling and dominant.”  

As adults, we understand that pornography is a fantasy, and does not depict real life. But 13 year olds? Potentially not. it becomes a learning tool, and seeing acts like a woman being choked” or strangled sends a dangerous message about what’s considered healthy sexual behaviour.

So what’s the solution here? 

Cancel the internet? Take their phones away? Instill an “open door” policy in our homes.

Teens are curious, especially about sex. There are a lot of unanswered questions and a lot to learn and it makes sense that in our screen-obsessed and visual world, the go-to is video content. Is there such a thing as safe porn sites for teens? A quick google of “Are there any safe porn sites for teens?” came up empty (as expected).

Our Watch thinks the solution lies in better education, both in school and at home.

Here are their suggestions:

• Integrating pornography into age-appropriate respectful relationship education, comprehensive sexuality education and media literacy education.  I know every school is different, but my Year 6 daughter is learning a lot about puberty and a bit about sex at this stage. I can say, without a doubt, that porn has not been touched as a topic of conversation.
• Professional education for teachers on the topic of pornography. After all, teachers can’t teach with the resources. This includes resources and training for other professionals (including youth workers, health promotion and others). 

I’m a firm believer in books. I know, old school. But I’m sure YoTube also have a series on teaching kids about sex education without the graphic porn element.

Here are a few book titles to look into:

• You Know, Sex? Bodies, Gender, Puberty and Other Things.
• Wait, What? A Comic Book Guide to Relationships, Bodies, and Growing Up
• Let’s Talk About It: The Teen’s Guide to Sex, Relationships, and Being a Human
• Welcome to Sex: Your no-silly-questions guide to pleasure, sexuality and figuring it out

Open communication about porn at home.

Yes, having a chat about porn with your 13-year-old isn’t the most comfortable of situations, but parenting isn’t always comfortable. By talking openly about what’s normal in a relationship and helping her navigate the myths that porn can create, you can empower them to have healthy, respectful experiences and challenge the unrealistic portrayals they may see online.

We hope these tips help any parents of tweens/teens who are entering this age. My daughter is 12, so I know it’s coming soon for us. Wish me luck!

What to read next 

• 20 Clever Tips on How to Talk to Your Tween About Sex
• Women Share Hilarious Tweets of When School Sex Education Fails
• There’s No Beating Around the Bush with this Children’s Sex Ed Picture Book