Inclusion is a very important lesson we try to instill in our children from a young age. However, one mum has purposely excluded a little girl from her daughter’s birthday party. Instead, of copping flack for it, she’s been praised.
The mother took to Reddit to ask if she was in the wrong for inviting all but one child to the party and the majority of voters said NOPE!
“We invited the whole class except one student.”
Here’s the full story:
It’s Payton’s 8th birthday. Payton goes to a small school with 20 kids in her class. Payton’s parents are planning a birthday party next month and have invited all of Payton’s friends. 18 of them. All but one child in the class.
Now, at first glance, this seems incredibly mean. And petty. But as the mum explains,
The student we did not invite has bullied Payton several times (we’ve had meetings with the school and parents). Obviously, Payton doesn’t want this kid at her party.”
As expected, the little girl got wind of the birthday party and the fact that she was the only one not invited. The kids are talking about Payton’s party at school and the not-invited kid is feeling left out and sad.
The other girls mother called me to talk about it saying how now her daughter is crying she was the only kid not invited and everyone at school is talking about the party. I explained her daughter isn’t nice to my daughter and that’s the reason she wasn’t invited (the mother knows this). The mother said I’m teaching my child to be a “bully” and use her wealth to make friends. I disagreed.”
The party-planning mum stood her ground, even when the bully’s mum offered to get her daughter to write Payton an apology letter if that would snag her an invite. Once again, the mum said no.
Am I the A$$hole?
Then the guilt fairy kicked in and Payton’s mum decided to ask the experts (aka people on Reddit) if she was in the wrong. Most people thought Payton’s mum did the right thing by standing her ground and ensuring her daughter felt safe and had fun at her party without the stress of having someone there who made her uncomfortable.
Here are a few of the comments:
Your daughter has every right to feel safe at her party. My main reason is because your kid deserves not to be walking on egg shells at her party. And I absolutely loath when parents continue to put their kids in contact with their bullies/abusers. Children or not. Your child deserves to feel safe.”
Her kid has bullied yours so of course Payton doesn’t want her there. This is a great time for the bullies mom to teach them that actions have consequences.”
You’re teaching your daughter to draw boundaries when someone is mean, and you’re teaching her daughter that actions have consequences. With the mother’s enabling attitude, I’m not shocked her daughter is how she is. An apology for the purpose of attending a party is not an apology.”
Retired psychologist here. Based upon your comments I’m going to say that this is one of the few appropriate reasons to exclude a single child from a party. You do not have to invite anyone to your home that you aren’t comfortable having there and this kid (and her mother) fit the bill. It would be a horrible violation of your daughter’s boundaries to bring her school bully into her safe place, her home.
I think this sounds like a very important lesson to be learned for the bully, as natural consequences (being left out of fun because you’re mean) are excellent motivators for change. Excluding bully kid from the party is not bullying, it’s maintaining boundaries.”
So, the verdict is in. Inclusion is important, but safety and protecting your child from bullying trumps it.
What do you think? What would you do if you were Payton’s mum in this instance?
1 Comment
My twins had a birthday party this year. They took invites and handed one to every class member… except one. The kid who bullies my daughter did not get an invite despite my son wanting to invite him. I explained that she deserves to feel safe on her birthday and clearly this kid did not make her feel safe so he couldn’t come, end of story. I pulled their teacher aside in the morning to let her know the situation and she said she understood and agreed with my call even if she wasn’t aware of any bullying occurring.