101 Thoughts Mums Have at Home in Less Than Five Minutes

From the WTF destruction to how much you damn-well-love-your-little-crotch-spawn, our minds go a million miles a minute walking around the house.

Mum Central sums up all those thoughts we gals have #everysingleday. It’s no wonder we’re always so tired. This non-stop-thinking… it’s exhausting!

(But we wouldn’t have it any other way, right!?)

Okay, the washing in my bedroom first…
Better pull up the doona.
Open the windows.
Aaah hello sunshine. You’re going to be drying my washing soon.
Daughter’s bedroom. Hmmm, what is that?
ARE THEY STICKERS ON THE MIRROR WARDROBES?
Oh, they better not be.
F*ck me. There’s like 20 of them.
Sigh. I’ll deal with that later.
And her.
I wonder if I can make her remove them herself?
Oh, her washing smells like her.
God, she’s adorable.
Sons room. Yikes. What is that smell?
Scream. Jesus-H-Christ. The pain!
What did I step on?
LEGO, you mother*cker.
They could use you in Guantanamo for torture.
Right after the waterboarding.
What does waterboarding even mean?
God, that smell is rank.
Better open the window.
Where is that coming from?
Maybe it’s an apple in his school bag again?
Last time that was almost cider.
I wish it had been cider…
Oh god, what’s going to be under the bed?
Oh, wait. That’s the smell.
Bloody hell. How could an eight-year-olds shoes smell THIS bad?
I wonder if I can wash them in the washing machine?
Far out they REEK.
Yeah, nothing to lose. I’ll definitely wash those.
Okay, let’s get this load on.
This basket is SO heavy.
I should try and wash more.
Remember, turn on your core when you carry heavy things.
What core?
I should do more core exercises.
Better housewives probably wash every day.
There are toys everywhere.
I wish my mother would stop buying them stuff.
It’s a bloody obstacle course here.
Gosh, my mum is awesome.
I should call her today.
That pile of stuff, that can go.
And that stuff too.
They never play with that.
Maybe I’ll Buy, Swap, Sell it.
Get some cash.
Nah, too hard.
Some idiot will offer me $2 for it.
Rather give it to a friend.
AKA dump it on someone else. Who…..?
God, look at the sticky hand mark on that wall.
Add that to my list for later.
Oh, and the doctors.
Must make that appointment.
Pap smear is only, what, about 4 months overdue?
God, I hate pap smears.
Seriously where does that dust come from?
You’d think we’re breeding long hair cats here or something.
Ooooh, kittens.
The kids would love a kitten.
God woman! Check yourself.
You’re doing well to keep two children alive.
I’ll just sweep those dust bunnies while I’m here.
Text message.
Ha. My bestie. We should go out soon. GIRLS NIGHT OUT.
I’ll just check facie quickly for one second.
Oooh Kim Kardashian looks amazing there.
I wonder what skin case she uses?
Mental note. Google “Kim Kardashian skincare” later.
Also Google “What is a blood facial?”
Back to the sweeping. The day is passing by.
What time is it?
11:30am. 11:30am?
Already?
Haven’t even made the kids beds.
God, I love those kids.
Maybe I should take them for a milkshake after school today.
Oh, that’s right.
She’s in trouble.
The bloody stickers.
What’s she going to be like when she’s a teenager?
God help me.
God, I loved being a teenager.
No social media though.
Easier times than today I guess…
How old SHOULD kids should be to have Instagram?
Why is there a dead lizard in the dustpan and broom?
Oh, that must be what son was referring to at breakfast and asking me to not put in the bin.
Show and Tell for Wednesday.
God, that’ll be ripe by Wednesday.
Wonder if it would be better in the fridge…
Do you want a dead lizard in the fridge?
No.
Right. Where’s the basket again?
It won’t wash itself.
I wish it would.
Actually no, I wish it would fold itself.
Now THAT’S a million-dollar idea.