We love a good AITA story and this one has us questioning ALL the things. For those unsure what AITA is, it stands for Am I The Asshole? and it’s a forum on Reddit where people share their stories and ask readers if they are in the wrong (the asshole) or if the other person is (not the asshole).
Today’s AITA comes from a father who remains anonymous. The dad and his wife have been married for five years and have two young children together. Their daughter is one and their son is two and a half.
It would appear all was rosy except until Mum decided she felt unfulfilled. You see, Mum is an artist and ever since she was little, she had a dream of living in New York City to see if she could “make it”. Marriage and kids happened instead and she was left with that “what if” feeling, something that she clearly struggled with.
So much so that she wanted to move there temporarily by herself to see if she could make it there. We’re not sure where they usually live but I’m guessing it’s not anywhere near NYC.
After a lot of discussion, we agreed upon her living there for a year and she said she would plan on coming home once to visit during that time at Christmas,” the poster explains.
“This was a difficult decision for me since I work 60-70 hours a week and we have 2 young kids but I don’t want her to have any regrets or end up resenting me and luckily my parents have been willing to help out a lot.”
Okay, so the decision is made. Mum is off to NYC and Dad will take over full-time parenting duties. Dad admits that he’s hoping the kids are young enough that they won’t even remember their mum temporarily leaving and they settle into a routine, spending a lot of time with dad and their grandparents.
Two weeks into this arrangement, and the cracks start to show.
Kids missing mum
Since the move, the mum has called her children three times via Facetime which is all good. However, after each call her son is getting very upset.
After the most recent call it took me an hour to calm him down. I don’t think that’s healthy for him and honestly it’s a lot for me to deal with on top of everything else,” the dad explains.
Husband bans wife from calling her kids
So the father has told his wife that she’s not allowed to FaceTime their kids anymore.
Naturally, the wife is peeved saying he’s keeping her from seeing her own kids.
“[She said] I just have to learn how to deal with meltdowns and that eventually they will get used to seeing her on FaceTime.”
But the dad is the one dealing with the meltdowns.
So who is the asshole here? The dad for denying his wife a chance to talk to her kids on Facetime? Or the wife for expecting she has this right, after she left and after knowing it’s causing her son to be upset?
We’re torn!
A few side notes
The dad also mentions that he’s been a single parent in the past as his wife left for three months twice before when her mother was sick.
He also adds:
I should also mention that early in our relationship and marriage she did sacrifice a lot for my career which is part of the reason I felt like I needed to “let her” do this.”
The poster also adds that he is well aware of how insane this situation is and that he actually thought she was kidding at first.
“But at the end of the day, I had to acknowledge that she is a grown woman and is going to do what she wants. My hope was that if she got this out of her system she would come back and we would be a happy family. I know that’s very naive but that’s my hope.”
The community has spoken
This is a tricky one because both parents are kind of in the wrong here but the majority of Reddit users agree that the father is not the asshole here. The mother is.
“Your wife chose to ignore her responsibilities as a parent. These are the consequences. Your son’s needs trump hers,” one wrote.
“She chose to leave the kids so she doesn’t get the play the “it’s not right to keep the kids from me” card.” Temporarily stopping the calls is okay as long as you work with your son to turn the calls from trauma-inducers to healthy communication,” another said.
“NTA – but I think your marriage is over. Absurd that your wife decided to just ditch all of you to go “live her dream” while your children are this little.
This must be so traumatic for your son who’s used to his mummy and misses her. What your wife is doing to a callous and selfish. It sounds like living her dream means living a child-free life.”
