Each year, hundreds of families navigate a diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) with their child. Research suggests that 1 in 20 Australian children are ADHDers according to The Social and Economic Costs of ADHD in Australia.
Supporting a child with ADHD is important to protect their sense of self and to advocate for their individual needs.
Here are some strategies that can help focus on key areas such as getting ready, transitioning to a new environment and even communicating what they need.
1. Pick the big battles and leave the rest.
Deciding on what REALLY matters in your family can make a big difference. Sometimes when we change our parenting expectations, the pressure comes off our child to remember the rules, and off us as parents to try and enforce these expectations.
Pick three to four rules that you are not prepared to faulter on, and let the rest go. A messy room may be something you can overlook yet being unsafe may be where you draw the line.
2. If you NEED to be somewhere on time, make it as easy as possible.
Often a time of stress for families is trying to leave the house in a timely manner, minus the screaming matches. Unfortunately, this is a time when even routine can be insufficient.
My top tip? Try to use visual reminders. For example, keeping shoes at the front door, keeping a stash of socks next to the shoes, having clothes out the night before right next to the bed and using a visual timer to track time. Make it as simple and as easy as possible.
3. Single steps if you are assisting your child to get ready.
Multi-step instructions are often confusing and hard to remember so stick to offering one instruction at a time. Hand your child their shoes and say “Please put these on” rather than listing many things that still need to be done.
If a child is really struggling, you may need to break down instructions further, such as “Unbutton your PJs”, rather than “Get dressed”.’
4. Ease out of hyperfocus.
When a child is in a hyper-focussed state (really invested or interested in a topic/activity/theme) it can be super uncomfortable for them to come out of this headspace before they are ready.
If you need to bring them out, do so with warnings such as “In 5/10 minutes, we will need to do ABC. We can come back to doing this activity after lunch”.
Be empathetic that this is hard to shift from, with statements such as “It’s really tough to stop reading about Ancient Greece, I know how much you love this topic. Perhaps when we get home you can share with me what you have learned?”
5. Carve out time for freedom.
When we overschedule our children, there is limited time for them to follow their interests, in the moment.
Creating space (ideally daily) for our children to follow their interests, can be relaxing and comforting. Allow for down time every day where they can regroup and allow them to focus on something they enjoy.
6. Advocate for preferred language.
If your child prefers to be known as an ‘ADHDer’, encourage others to use this language, (rather than ‘a child with ADHD’).
Follow their lead on how they want to be known – some children prefer not to share their diagnosis, and that too, is their right. Listen to their voice; their opinions.
7. Teach your child to clearly state their needs.
Self-advocating in the safe space of home, can be empowering for children and a great way to practice for other environments such as at school or kinder.
For example, “My body needs to move. Can I go outside for a lap of the oval?” can be an easy way to share what they need to stay regulated.
At home, practice “ I need” statements, followed by an idea if possible.
8. Support their emotional regulation.
ADHDers can find it hard to regulate their emotions and often feel emotions more intensely. When they are angry, they can be very angry, and when they feel excited, they can appear very excited!
Invalidating their experiences of emotions isn’t helpful, so rather than saying “It’s not that big of a deal” or “Calm down, it’s not that exciting!” use a validating statement instead “Yes! That feels really big to you” or “That’s making you really mad isn’t it?”.
Feelings are valid, always. Validating their feeling is a great way to connect, listen and assist your child to regulate.
Additional support for a child with ADHD
If you or your family would like more information and understanding around ADHD, please reach out to your local psychologist; arm yourself with knowledge and advocate for your child.
ADHD Awareness Month is celebrated every October, with events and activities happening all across the country and now, around the world, on the ground and on the Internet. To find out more, visit ADHD Foundation.
About Emma-Rose Parsons
As the Director of Spectrum House Psychology and CoDirector of the Paediatric Health Collective, psychologist Emma-Rose Parsons has been working with children, families and school communities for 20+ years.
Emma-Rose regularly presents to school teams, to the community, at conferences, and via social media.
1 Comment
I know of a young boy who wanted to go outside to play when there was thunderstorms with sky to ground (verticle) lightning. Naturally his Mum said “no” and explained the reasons why. He managed to throw something through the window and climbed outside that way. He has very strong upper body strength and the bottom of the window is close to the floor.