You’re not sure how it’s happened but your partner has asked you if you’d be willing to participate in a threesome. Or maybe it’s always been a fantasy of yours to participate in a threesome. How do you broach the subject with your partner? Keep reading for our best threesome tips.
On the surface, it seems like a roaring night of spicy fun. But it can alter the dynamics of your relationship so there is a lot to consider before inviting someone into your relationship for a night or more.
One of my exes asked me if I would do one for my birthday, but he got to choose the guy. I was still a teenager at this time, and he was wildly age-inappropriate, and it felt more for his benefit than mine. As I aged and matured, I realised he was a closeted bisexual, and this was his way of experiencing it without being open. It would have been difficult for him to be out in his circle of friends. Even though he felt safe enough to broach the subject with me, that particular threesome didn’t happen.
So, if the subject has come up seriously, it’s important to approach the conversation with openness, honesty, and respect.
Threesome tips: how to navigate this situation
Communicate openly
Talk to your partner about desires (yours and theirs), fantasies and feelings. Open communication is key to understanding each other’s perspectives. Don’t ask immediately. Whoever is doing the asking needs to give their partner time to process and think.
Express your feelings
 If you have concerns or reservations about the idea of a threesome, express them calmly and without judgment and give your partner the same safe space to express theirs. It’s essential to be honest about your comfort level.
Take time to reflect
If someone is unsure about the idea, take some time to reflect on your individual feelings and thoughts. Rushing into a decision might lead to regrets later.
Understand motivations
 Discuss the reasons behind your partner’s request. Share the reasons why you’re asking them to participate in this. Understanding motivations can help navigate the situation more effectively.
Establish boundaries
 Clearly define what boundaries you are both comfortable with in the context of a threesome. Discuss what is and what is not acceptable and be prepared to compromise if needed.
Safe Words
Incorporating a safe word can provide a quick and clear way for anyone to communicate discomfort or the need to stop the activities.
Educate yourself
 If you are open to the idea but unsure about how to proceed, consider educating yourself on the topic. This can involve reading about other couples’ experiences, discussing the topic with trusted friends, or seeking advice from a qualified therapist.
Consider the relationship dynamic
 Think about how a threesome might impact your relationship. Some couples find that it strengthens their bond, while others may face challenges. Discuss potential outcomes and be prepared for different scenarios.
Seek professional guidance
If the topic becomes a significant source of tension or if you’re finding it challenging to navigate the conversation, consider seeking the help of a relationship therapist. A professional can provide guidance and facilitate communication between you and your partner.
Are There Different Ways to Have a Threesome?
Absolutely there are and it all depends on your comfort and confidence.
With a Friend: Some couples choose to have a threesome with a close friend they trust. This can provide a level of comfort and familiarity. Make sure this is someone you can look in the face next time you see them and not be awkward or embarrassed.
Through Online Platforms: There are various online platforms specifically designed for people seeking threesome experiences. These may include dating apps, websites, or forums.
At Swingers’ Clubs or Events: Swingers’ clubs or events may provide a more structured environment for exploring threesomes.
Hiring a Professional: Some couples choose to hire a professional, such as an escort or sex worker, to join them for a threesome.
Exploring Bisexuality: Some couples may choose to have a threesome with someone of the same gender, allowing exploration of bisexuality.
Attending Sex Positive Events: Sex-positive events like Sexpo, workshops, or communities may provide a supportive environment for exploring different aspects of sexuality.
Vacation or Travel: Some couples choose to explore threesomes while on vacation or traveling. This can provide a sense of detachment from their regular lives and reduce potential concerns about encountering the third person again.
What about the physical act itself?
There are many different scenarios when it comes to threesomes.
MFM (Male-Female-Male):
This involves one woman and two men. Different combinations of sexual activities may occur, and communication is key to ensure everyone’s comfort. Generally, the two men focus on the woman and don’t interact with each other.
MMF (Male-Male-Female):
This involves two men and one woman, and the men also interact with each other.
FMF (Female-Male-Female):
In this scenario, one man is with two women. Activities may involve various combinations of physical interaction, and again, communication is essential. In this scenario, the man is the focus of the attention. The women may interact but usually, their attention is on pleasing him.
FFM (Female-Female-Male):
Again, this scenario is one man is with two women and in addition to both women being with the man, they will usually interact with each other.
Same-Sex Threesome:
Threesomes can also involve individuals of the same gender, nonbinary, and trans individuals. Communication is just as important here, ensuring that everyone is comfortable and consenting to the activities.
Rotational Play:
Partners may take turns engaging with one another or observing. This can involve a fluid exchange of attention and intimacy among all participants.
Focused Attention:
Participants may choose to focus on one person at a time, taking turns giving and receiving attention. This can involve various combinations and permutations.
Remember, the key to a successful threesome is open communication, consent, and respect for everyone’s boundaries – the two in a relationship and the third person brought in to participate. It’s crucial that all participants feel comfortable expressing their desires and limits throughout the experience. Before engaging in any physical activities, discuss expectations, boundaries, and desires to ensure that everyone is on the same page and has a positive and consensual experience.
There’s no shame in not wanting to have a threesome and there’s no shame in wanting to participate in one with your partner, or as the third person.
Your body. Your sex life.
