I was twenty when I bought my first vibrator. I walked the sex shop aisles for ages before just choosing one, paying, and leaving. At this point in my life, I’d had plenty of sexual experience with other people but had never actively masturbated.
At that time, I fully believed it was something taboo, and the subject made me blush to talk about, let alone actually go somewhere to buy something that is really only for one purpose.
Looking back, I wish there had been someone working in the store to help me find the best sex toy for me and my needs.
A lot of things have changed since then but the memory has stuck with me which is why I wanted to put together a no-BS guide on how to choose a sex toy and the best sex toys for your specific needs.
Let’s dive in!
A little bit about masturbation
As mentioned above, for a long time I believed masturbation wasn’t something most women did or most certainly was not discussed.
Gone are the days when we believed masturbating could make you blind, damage your genitals, cause erectile dysfunction, and make you infertile. It’s not seen as something you can only do alone, or that women don’t do it all.
Whether it was Sex and the City, But I’m A Cheerleader, American Pie, Sex Education, Sex/Life or another TV show or movie the message became clear: female masturbation has become something we don’t shy away from anymore.
Masturbation is normal and healthy and can be part of an active sex life with a partner (or more if that’s your thing). There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. It can be a useful tool in creating a closer relationship with a partner. There are many mental health and physical benefits to orgasms like body confidence, better sleep, increased happiness, decreased anxiety, alleviating minor aches and pains–especially during menstruation, boosting our immune system, and so much more.
There are different techniques for self-enjoyment, with or without aids, with or without a partner. It’s an excellent way to learn what you do and don’t like, which stimulation gets your motor going, and what shuts it off. We all deserve a great sex life and if exploring the vast world of sex toys is for you, here are a few basic tips on how to choose a sex toy.
How to choose a sex toy
1. First things first, know how you orgasm.
Some basic questions to ask yourself before deciding to purchase a sex toy include:
- Do you enjoy internal or external stimulation?
- Have you orgasmed from penetration?
- Do you enjoy anal play?
2. Know your pressure preference.
Think about the way your partner touches you if you have one, and think about what you like and don’t like.
- Do you like gentle stimulation?
- Do you enjoy firmer pressure?
- Do you enjoy spanking? (It is possible to spank yourself)
3. Know your control issues.
- Do you prefer to manually use a toy?
- Do you prefer something that has a remote control?
- Would you like something wearable or insertable?
- Would you prefer something you can ‘sit’ on?
- Or are you waiting for programmable robot boyfriends who take out the trash and rub your feet after a long day?
4. Know your price point.
Unfortunately, as wide as the variety of sex toys, so too is the variety in pricing.
- How much are you willing to spend?
- Are you happy to try a cheaper product if it promises the same results?
5. Read the reviews.
There are some hilarious reviews on websites about how great some products are, and some brutally honest ones about how bad they suck (pun not intended) and it’s always a good idea to do your research.
Finding the best sex toys for you
There are so many online stores for people who aren’t comfortable walking into a physical store and delivery is always discreet. The best sex toy stores are the ones where the products are made by or chosen by women, for women.
Below are a few of the best sex toys recommended by the ladies at Joy for Women.
These are all recommended for solo play:
- BMS Factory Palmpower Extreme vibrating body wand massager
- We-Vibe MELT app-controlled clitoral stimulator
- Fun Factory Bi Stronic Fusion thrusting rabbit vibrator
- Fun Factory Lady Bi powerful A-spot vibrator with free toy bag!
- Dame POM palm-sized flexible clitoral vibrator
There are a few more websites that are great for buying the best sex toys. Bliss Vixen has a range of vibrators hand-picked by Aussie women and designed for several types of play including solo, couple, internal and external stimulation, penetration sex and more.
Girls Get it Off is another Aussie sex toy brand with a few fun products under their belt including vibrators, booty plugs, and lube.
Randy Fox is another big name in the sex toy biz and we’ve shared our fave products from their range in this article, which are all designed for couples and include couple games, body painting and clitoral vibration.
Tips for first-timers
If you’ve never used a toy before, it can be daunting. I suggest leaving the kids in the capable hands of your partner or seeing if someone can take them for you for the night, or wait until they are at school, or well and truly asleep.
- Treat yourself to your favourite meal and maybe a glass of your favourite beverage.
- Relax in a long, hot bath and really pamper yourself, or use a water-safe toy.
- Set the mood by putting on some sensual or sexy music or porn if you’re into it.
- Get in bed and start by exploring your body with your hands or use silk scarves or any material you like the feel of.
- When you’re aroused, reach for your toy, and start slowly.
- Play around with the setting or direction and the speed and pressure until you find what works for you. If you’re using something electronic, make sure it’s fully charged.
- This is your time to do you (pun intended) and there’s no right or wrong way to masturbate (unless it’s uncomfortably painful).
- Check out our additional tips here.
Have fun! I’ll leave you with just one question – can we still call it BOB (battery-operated boyfriend) if it uses a charger?