Parental burnout. What is it and how do I know if I have it? If you’ve ever felt like you’re running on empty, constantly juggling a million tasks, and wondering how much longer you can keep going, you’re not alone.
Many mums find themselves stretched too thin, and trying to be everything to everyone. That overwhelming fatigue, the ongoing stress that never seems to fade, and the feeling of being pulled in every direction has a name, parental burnout.
The Day It All Fell Apart
It was supposed to be a normal day. I was making cottage pie for dinner, but honestly, it felt like I was just going through the motions. This was before I rekindled my love for cooking, so I grabbed a pre-cooked one from Woolies—something easy I could just chuck in the convection oven and forget about.
As I waited for my partner to come home—I can’t even remember where he was—things started to unravel. The kids (a teen and a preteen) were fighting. Not just the usual bickering, but full-on chaos. There was yelling, tears (mostly mine), and even a shoe flying through the air. I tried to calm them down, I tried separating them, but nothing seemed to work. The tension in the house was palpable, and it felt like I was the only one holding everything together.
Losing Grip—In More Ways Than One
I decided to focus on dinner, the one thing I could control, thinking maybe if I just got that done, everything else would fall into place. But as I was pulling the heavy foil tray out of the convection oven with the tongs that come with it, the corner slipped as I lifted it clear of the round glass bowl. In an instant, the entire tray flipped over and crashed to the floor, splattering cottage pie everywhere.
I stood there, staring at the mess, feeling utterly defeated. It wasn’t just dinner that had fallen apart; it felt like my whole world had. The tears started before I could stop them. I called my partner, and the moment he answered, I broke down. I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t breathe. I just sobbed, feeling like a failure as a mum, as a partner, as everything. When I pulled myself together enough to tell him what happened, my voice was shaky and high-pitched, and my sentences ran together like I was out of breath.
The Weight of Doing It All
This was during a time when I was, in many ways, a partnered, single parent. I was doing the lion’s share of the housework, parenting, and even bill paying, despite not working at the time. My partner worked, but his earnings mostly supported his pot-smoking and Lego-building habits. He was just existing in our home, occasionally buying takeaway, while I was drowning in responsibilities. I let it go on far too long, the small things became huge, and it took its toll on me.
The Guilt That Follows
When my partner finally came home, the kids who had been fighting like their lives depended on it, suddenly stopped.
It was like a punch to the gut.
Why did they stop fighting for him, but not for me? I was the one who was there for them 24/7. I was still standing in the kitchen when he swooped in, cleaned up the mess, and said he’d grab fish and chips for dinner, taking one of the kids with him. I should have felt relief, but all I felt was guilt and anger.
I went into my room, sat on my bed, and stared into space. I had nothing left in me.
My tank was empty.
I nibbled on the food he brought back, but I didn’t speak or react to anything for the rest of the night.
It was like I was there, but not really there. A shell of myself.
When It Finally Hit Me: I Was Burnt Out
It took me two days to feel like I could function again and weeks before I stopped beating myself up over ruining dinner. But something clicked in those moments of staring at the wall, feeling like I had nothing left to give.
I was completely and utterly burnt out.
This wasn’t just about a bad day or a dropped dinner. It was the culmination of months, maybe even years, of carrying too much on my shoulders. I realised I had been running on empty for so long, trying to hold everything together, that I didn’t even notice how deeply exhausted I was. The stress, the responsibilities, the emotional and mental load. I had been handling it all alone, and my body and mind were finally saying, “Enough.”
That day wasn’t just about a spilled cottage pie; it was about facing the reality that I was burnt out. And that was the first step toward understanding that something needed to change.
10 Common Parental Burnout Symptoms
Recognising the parental burnout symptoms is crucial for maintaining both your well-being and your family’s harmony. You might also find yourself withdrawing emotionally, experiencing frequent mood swings, or feeling disconnected from your children.
Acknowledging these signs early allows you to seek support and make necessary changes before burnout fully takes hold, helping you to restore balance and care for both yourself and your family more effectively.
- Constant Exhaustion: Feeling physically and emotionally drained all the time, even after resting.
- Irritability and Mood Swings: Becoming easily frustrated, angry, or overwhelmed by small things.
- Lack of Interest: Losing enthusiasm for activities you used to enjoy, including spending time with family or hobbies.
- Cognitive Issues: Difficulty concentrating, making decisions, or remembering things.
- Physical Symptoms: Experiencing headaches, stomach issues, or other unexplained aches and pains.
- Sleep Disturbances: Trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or feeling rested, even after a full night’s sleep.
- Withdrawal and Isolation: Avoiding social interactions or feeling disconnected from family and friends.
- Increased Cynicism: Developing a negative outlook on life, feeling hopeless, or becoming overly critical.
- Reduced Performance: Struggling to keep up with daily tasks, work, or parenting duties, often feeling less productive or effective.
- Feeling Trapped: A persistent sense of being stuck in your situation, with no way out, leading to feelings of helplessness or despair.
Where To Go For Help
There are so many support services and options for those who are experiencing parental burnout.
Reach Out to Friends and Family
- Talk to people you trust. Sometimes, just having someone to listen can make a big difference.
- Don’t be afraid to ask for practical help, like babysitting, meal prep, or even just a break.
Join Local Support Groups
- Look for local parenting groups or community centres that offer support. Many areas have playgroups, coffee mornings, or discussion groups for parents.
- Online communities, like Facebook groups, can also be a great way to connect with others who understand what you’re going through.
Access Professional Help
- GPs: Your local GP can be a good starting point. They can refer you to mental health services or provide advice on managing stress.
- Counsellors and Psychologists: If you need more specialised support, a counsellor or psychologist can offer strategies to cope with burnout. You can find a registered psychologist through the Australian Psychological Society (APS) website.
- PANDA: The Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia (PANDA) helpline (1300 726 306) offers support to parents dealing with anxiety, depression, or burnout.
Use Online Resources
- Beyond Blue: Offers online forums, articles, and resources specifically for parents. They also have a 24/7 support line (1300 22 4636).
- Lifeline: If you’re in crisis, Lifeline provides 24/7 support on 13 11 14.
Check with Your Childcare or School – Schools and childcare centres often have resources or can point you in the direction of local support services. Many schools offer counselling services or can connect you with parent support networks.
Look into Government Resources
- Parenting Helpline: Available in most states, offering advice and support for a wide range of parenting issues.
- Centrelink: You may be eligible for financial support or other services depending on your situation.
Explore Employee Assistance Programs – If you’re employed, check if your workplace offers an Employee Assistance Program (EAP). These programs often include free counselling sessions and mental health support.
Self-Care and Wellbeing Apps – Apps like Smiling Mind, Headspace, and Calm offer guided meditation and mindfulness exercises that can help reduce stress.
Burnout can feel overwhelming, but by recognising the signs, seeking support, and taking small, deliberate steps to care for yourself, you can start to turn things around. Remember, recovery isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress and finding what works best for you.
As you navigate through burnout, be patient with yourself and celebrate each small victory. It’s okay to ask for help and take time for self-care.
Remember, you’re not alone, and resources and support are available to help you along the way. Keep moving one step at a time, and know that things can improve.
