So we’ve all had our fair share of horror job interview stories, right? But Hollis Jane Andrews, an actress who once dabbled in nanny care, wins the award for the most BONKERS job description in the history of ever.
She applied for a nanny role eight years ago in 2013, but Hollis only recently shared the list of duties on her Twitter, reflecting on how insane it really was. Needless to say, she gave it a hard pass.
The role, if you choose to accept
The job was to be a nanny to two boys. In addition to caring for the children, Hollis would also be responsible for cleaning duties. The actual title of her job description was “Magical Nanny/Housekeeper Hat”.
Below the title, the parents outlined a detailed two-page list of duties required. The demands are odd, to say the least. Have a look at the document for yourself:
Scientologist parents behind the list
It didn’t take Hollis long to realise that the family was deeply committed Scientologists. The parents’ choice of the word “Dianetics” was the first clue. Dianetics is a term used in the religion to relieve psychosomatic disorder by cleansing the mind of harmful mental images.
As Hollis writes on Twitter,
In 2013, I interviewed with an (unbeknownst to me at the time) Scientologist family to be their nanny. They gave this absolutely BONKERS list of responsibilities and now I give it to all of you.”
Let’s dissect the madness, shall we?
No headbutting allowed
First, we discover the main purpose of Hollis’ job is to ensure the kids’ “basic rudiments are kept in”. Which translates to “make sure they eat and sleep” in normal parent language.
The parents are extra insistent that there will be no tantrums. Or headbutting. Seriously, if their kids start acting like feral mountain goats, they may lose the plot.
Now, what if something happens and the kids hurt themselves? Should she comfort them, perhaps perform first aid or take them to the hospital? Or no, of course not. Instead, she will “keep quiet, apply Dianetics and assist tech always.”
What the actual? Back away Hollis, back away.
After that pleasant introduction, where the parents also insist on no phones and no TV, they go into an hourly routine including what the kids must eat and do.
What’s on the menu?
Weird shit, mate. Weird weird shit. Like eggs and turkey for brekkie, steak and ketchup for lunch and a protein bottle for nap time, which I’m pretty sure is code for mind-controlling drugs.
And what are the plans for the day?
Well, Hollis must keep them running. Don’t ever let them stop running. And throw rocks. Plus feed a few rando horses some apples along the way.
If Hollis doesn’t feel like running a marathon in the morning, she can take them to the park instead. The only stipulation – she MUST keep them laughing. If they are not laughing, they are not happy and the parents may smite her. Or get their kids to throw rocks at her.
They instruct Hollis that she must play WITH the kids, run WITH them, eat WITH them, swim WITH them, and insist that she remain fit. And when she finally gets these energetic demons to nap? No, she doesn’t get to nap WITH them.
She must transform into a “cleaning nazi” and accomplish a list of 14 jobs.
Man, this job just keeps getting better and better.
Be fit for these boys
The parents sign off with a reminder that she’s not allowed to use her phone and that, she needs to be fit for their boys.
Now, as expected, the internet is melting down over this crazy list of demands. I mean, clearly, you’d be getting a good amount of loot to comply, right? Nup.
$13 USD an hour.
Granted, it was eight years ago but still. Hollis did what any self-respecting female would do. She declined the job and shamed the weirdos on social. Well played, girl, well played. We’re just sad it took her eight years to do so.