If you have a toddler, odds are, you know what CoComelon is. It sounds like a weird fruit, but no, it’s in fact, a weird TV show.

Before it was a TV show, it was a YouTube channel used mostly by parents of toddlers and preschoolers.

CoComelon is a toddler’s dream. Repetitive nursery songs.  Super bright graphics. Colourful characters. A loving family. The occasional animal popping into the story. It’s got it all.

Cocomelon

Parents have a love-hate relationship with the show. Sure, it’s great for keeping our kids quiet, but those songs…. once they’re with you, they never leave.

And I mean never. Nothing goes with a dose of 3am insomnia quite like a catchy tune about how to wash, wash, wash your hands. Or brush, brush, brush, brush your teeth.

So, to all the mums who have CoComelon on their ‘Watch Again” or “Continue watching” section of Netflix, these are a few things you’ve probably asked yourself while attempting to drown out the show.

Am I the only sucker watching this right now?

100% NOT. THE. ONLY. SUCKER. Millions of mums are most likely tuning out to the tunes of JJ and his family as we speak. It’s actually insanely popular. Like the second most popular YouTube channel in the world.

According to Forbes, CoComelon recently broke a record by remaining in Netflix’s top 10 most-watched shows for 62 days. This show about literally NOTHING beat out shows like The Umbrella Academy and Tiger King. It’s even giving Bridgerton a run for its money.

How long does this repetitive madness go on? 

Three painfully long hours. Per season.

But, let’s face it, it’s not really meant for our viewing pleasure. It’s meant for our kids’. And doesn’t it do an ace job keeping them fixated on something that isn’t you!?

How old is JJ anyway?

JJ goes to preschool, but he looks like a big bald baby. He only has two teeth but he participates in running races at school. He sleeps in a cot, but can sing with a near-perfect vocabulary. Is he 6 months or four?? What is going on?

CoComelon JJ and friends
Source: YouTube

Dr. Google is no help. Even the CoComelon Wiki (yes, there is such a thing), doesn’t tell you, but the general consensus at my local playground is that he’s around two.

What is with these names?

JJ. Supposedly sort for Johnny Johnny. TomTom. And the sister? YoYo. Obv they’ve got a repetitive name thing going on. There’s also Kiki the cat, PePe the pig, and CeCe, JJ’s school friend.

FUN FACT: Speaking of CeCe, did you know that the first episode of CoComelon is in honour of CeCe, Bella and Nico Watts, the children who were murdered by their father, Chris Watts?  You may remember this happening in 2018 – Chris killed his two daughters (Bella and Celeste/CeCe), and his pregnant wife, Shanann and unborn baby Nico.

In the first episode, the CoComelon gang sing, “The More we Get Together” but change the lyrics to include, “With Cece, Bella and Nico”.

How chilled out in this mum!?

Nothing phases her! Not even when her older kids continuously ask “Are we there yet?” on a road trip. Instead of threatening to pull over on the side of the road and kick them out, which, let’s face it, is the normal parenting response, she makes a song about it and suggests they play a game.

Cocomelon Are we There Yet
I’ll have what she’s having. Source: YouTube

Or how about the time her husband hurts his finger and whinges like a preschooler. Seriously, go get yer own damned bandaid.

I swear she must be taking some pretty decent chill pills in between tunes.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Valium.

Are the animals part of the regular human world or what?

At first, CoComelon seems to be set in a human world, with mum, dad, brother, sister and baby. There’s also a pet dog and a pet hamster. The baby goes to school with his human playmates and all is relatively normal in the CoComelon world.

But, then… out comes a pig, a monkey, a cat, a bear. They wander around like they are humans, waving and running races and generally screwing up the whole sanity of the show.

But, alas, overthinking parents like myself, it is, indeed a kids’ show. And I have to admit, it makes more sense than the weirdness that took place on In the Night Garden.

How overachieving are these parents?

They make ABC balloons and epic five-colour icy poles and serve up massive breakfasts feasts (actually, to be fair, I think a bunny made the mad brekkie feast. Possibly a wolf helped).

They slow dance in the living room with matching heart shirts. They sing Baby Shark with actions at the aquarium and DON’T look like they want to stab themselves in the eye with a fork.

Honestly, they make us real parents look like lazy pricks.

Stop making me look bad!

Am I scarring my toddler for life letting him watch this on repeat?

Probs not. I mean, IT IS teaching them heaps of things. Like colours and shapes and counting. Sure, experts suggest you should be limiting screen time for toddlers, but, meh.

Can’t be any worse than letting them watch that whinging little shit Caillou.

Who even thought of this show? And how much money must they be making?

His name is Jay Jeon, an American dad who, 15 years ago started to make short films to entertain his young sons. He and his wife built the empire that is now CoComelon, which rakes in an estimated $120 million USD a year.

Now that’s something to sing about!

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Author

Born and raised in Canada, Jenna now lives in Far North Queensland with her tribe. When the mum-of-three is not writing, you can find her floating in the pool, watching princess movies, frolicking on the beach, bouncing her baby to sleep or nagging her older kids to put on their pants.

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