Black cats, walking under ladders and broken mirrors never fazed me in my carefree pre-kid days. Rarely did I ‘knock on wood’ and Friday the 13th came and went without fanfare. Then I become a Mum. And all hell broke loose.
The fear arrived as did a load of parenting superstitions. Yep, they might be a bit irrational, bonkers even, but I’m not sure rationality and child-rearing have never been well-suited, eh?
So, drum roll please, here are eight crazy parenting superstitions – all based on actual happenings, general mum nervousness and the actions of little people. Read on, my friends, because you so know they’re true.
The day you get rid of all your baby stuff, you’ll become pregnant.
So when you finally handover the baby bouncer to your bestie; flog the cot and change table on Gumtree, and drop off the last of the cute clothes to charity, you’ll discover you’ve a bun in the oven – again. Seriously. WTF?
If you tell anybody your baby is a good sleeper, from that night on, you won’t sleep
For a millennium. Even if you’re not superstitious, don’t chance it! Keep schtum and keep your sanity.
Never cut toast into squares, triangles or take the crusts off before triple-checking with a toddler
Whatever you planned will ALWAYS be the opposite of what they want. Don’t second guess anything – especially a hangry, totally temperamental toddler with a hankering for cheese sangas in crust-less squares. (Even if they wanted crusty triangles since birth, today will be different.)
Do not ever make eye contact with a begging pre-schooler
Because, once you do, you’re screwed.
Never ever sing ‘Let It Go’ out loud
Unless you want it to play over and over in your head every moment, of every day, for all eternity. I am pretty superstitious about this song, along with the Peppa Pig theme tune and basically most of the Disney back catalogue.
If your kid goes straight to sleep when you put them to bed, you’ll accidentally step on the loudest musical toy when trying to leave the room. Cue bolt upright, wide-awake infant – ready to play with Mum. Nooooooo.
Never throw away the crappy plastic toy brought home in a party bag
Don’t be ridiculous, Mum, because they’re obviously intending on keeping it, like, forever. Even if you try to chuck the damn thing three months and a day later (three months after they showed any kind of interest in it) the following morning, guaranteed, they will demand said toy, needing it more than ever. Call me superstitious, but I’ve been there. Too. Many. Freaking. Times.
Fairies are forever, except if you sneeze
And lastly, if you don’t say ‘thank you’ after someone says ‘bless you’ when you sneeze, somewhere, somehow, a fairy will die. Yep. So says my pre-schooler. And who am I to tempt fate?
Want to solve more mysteries of parenthood? Then head over to our article about surviving motherhood in five easy steps.