There are dozens of ways to say no to our children, but Lorna Simpson doesn’t believe in using any of them. The 37-year-old mum proudly shared that she considers herself a ‘yes mum’ who doesn’t say no to her 8-year-old daughter.
Yes Day is Every Day
Lorna, who lives in the UK, is the proud mum of 8-year-old Skylah-Faith who naturally “does the right thing”, according to her mum.
Skylah-Faith doesn’t have a set bedtime and buys her daughter anything she requests. When her daughter requests something, Lorna simply asks her what she wants it for and why she is interested in it.
So we’ll be out, for example, and if my daughter wants something online or in the shop and it makes sense and she’s genuinely interested in it – then of course I’ll get it,” Lorna shared with Yahoo UK.
Skylah-Faith loves dancing, so her mum purchased her a dancing pole and an aerial hammock as well as her own gaming set-up. Recently she also painted the front of her house pink because Skylah-Faith asked for it.
Lorna opts to homeschool her daughter and lets her have friends over for sleepovers whenever she wants.
As Lorna explains, children don’t need someone “constantly telling them what to do and saying no”.
Saying Yes Means No Demands
By being a ‘yes mum’, Lorna explains that her daughter rarely demands anything and can make ‘conscious’ decisions over what she wants.
“Because she has everything she needs or wants she doesn’t ask for things a lot.
Kids get this experience once and they need to enjoy that. As far as I’m aware I don’t have rules because Skylah-Faith does the right thing so that’s proof I don’t need rules as it’s written in her essence.
I may say yes to staying up till like 12 or one in the morning if she really isn’t tired or wants to have longer watching a movie or playing online games. I also let her sleep longer till her natural body clock says so but usually she is an early riser.”
Children need understanding, not rules
Lorna’s relaxed and gentle parenting approach stems from her very strict upbringing.
“I had a very forced childhood – my opinion wasn’t asked for and I don’t like to do that for my daughter.
Children need understanding – they don’t need someone constantly telling them what to do. You let them grow. I like to try and relate. So she’s quite conscious in herself in what she would like and want. She’s got that in her to decide if she really wants something. I go with life, I go with how I feel – I just want to cherish each moment. I’ve had no regrets with the way I’ve brought her up.”
Yes… but also No
While Lorna tries to say Yes to everything, there are a few things she’d talked her daughter out of, gently, such as vaping. The key comes down to communication and reasoning rather than just saying No.
“There’s a lot of communication going on where I get to see how she feels about something – it’s a lot deeper than just saying no to things.”
When Skylah-Faith became interested in vaping, Lorna allowed her daughter to look at vapes and research about vaping. Once she knew the dangers herself, Skylah-Faith decided that she didn’t want to vape anymore.
“I let her have that choice and allow her to feel what feels right to her. We’ve all got it in us to flourish, we don’t need anyone else telling us how to be.”
Don’t Come at Me, But I’m a Yes Mum Too
Truth be told, I am also a Yes Mum. I do say No sometimes, but I also don’t have many rules for my two older kids (aged 11 and 14). They seem to know naturally when to go to bed, to say please and thank you, to clean their rooms and to help out when I look stressed and like I’m about to breathe fire at them.
In most instances, when they want something, they ask for it for a birthday or Christmas present or they offer to pay for it out of their own money. In terms of staying up late, they’ve learned that this ends in overtiredness the next day and they simply don’t do it. This is also the case with sleepovers and they rarely ask for sleepovers anymore because they’ve discovered how tired they feel the next day and how hard it is to excel at their sports on 2 hours of sleep. However, I think these skills come with time and experience. My five-year-old gets a lot of Nos from me.
Everyone has a different way to parent and, whether you’re a Yes Mum, a No Mum, a Maybe Mum or an Ask Your Dad Mum, you’re also an Awesome Mum for caring about your kids and doing what works for you and them.
