Ever wondered why you sometimes look at your husband/spouse and think they just don’t get it? Where did that amazing, capable, decisive man go that you married??

Well the truth is he’s still there; he’s just being subconsciously (and temporarily) shut down by a primitive human instinct.

You see, we all have two types of energies that lie within us – masculine and feminine.

They are not gender based, but one is always attracted to the other so when energies get muddled in today’s busy world, our primitive instincts kick in and try to resolve the mismatch.

What’s that got to do with my husband? I hear you say!

Well, as I said, we all have both masculine and feminine energy within and we draw on whichever energy is needed in the situation to meet our basic human needs of safety, security, acceptance, love and connection.

The problem is that in today’s world women are often operating within the masculine energy – being in positions of power at work or running a business or being in charge or in control in some way like running the home!

This is especially prevalent in women whose husbands work away a lot or whose husbands have gone through serious illness leaving them in charge of all household decisions for a period of time.

For a relationship to flourish there has to be a masculine and a feminine energy at play for sparks to ignite.

NOTE: our energies are not solely dictated by gender – men can be feminine, and women can be masculine – however 80-90% of men are more masculine in energy and 80-90% of women are more feminine in energy.

When there are two masculine energies in a space, one of two things will happen:

1. They will fight for dominance or ‘alpha male status’; or

2. One will step into their feminine energy to create balance or polarity.

So you can see that if a woman is living life in her masculine energy all day at work or if she is filling the role of both masculine and feminine due to absence or illness and she continues to fill this role in the home, there will either be massive tension and lots of butting heads or when her man steps into the feminine energy, she will see him as totally useless and wish he would step up.  And take it from me, neither of those options are great – also as a strong, capable, “how about you just suck it up and man up” kinda girl, I can tell you that embracing your feminine energy does not mean being submissive or turning into a 50’s wife!!!!!

It simply means using the powers you have to achieve the outcome you want (like witchcraft).

Here is an example that was shown to me with my husband sitting right beside me and it changed my perceptions for ever.

Imagine that you had left your husband/spouse in charge of paying an overdue bill on a particular day. This bill is REALLY important and it MUST be paid today or you will incur late fees etc. You’ve told him all of this and he’s assured you that he will get it done…..

You walk in from work that evening and see the bill still sitting on the hallway table and it appears untouched. (he’s forgotten) !!!!

Scenario 1.

You: OH MY GOSH !!! I can’t believe you didn’t pay that bill, I asked you to do ONE thing; I can’t believe you couldn’t even do that…yell scream, yadda yadda you know the rest.

Him:  FIGHT – Its ON sista!

You will end up in argument. Feeling are hurt, the argument turns into something else and you have an awful situation.

Scenario 2.

You: Honey, did you get a chance to pay that bill today?

Him: Oh S*#t babe, I totally forgot…

You: Oh bugger, I’m really disappointed!! I really needed that done today, I was sure you wouldn’t forget.

Him: {Feels like total crap, massive guilt, wants to help you} I’m so sorry…..

And so on and so forth…

Now, if I hadn’t seen this with my own two eyes I would NEVER have believed it!!  My husband was sitting in his chair cringing as the second scenario was being played out and when asked how he felt, he said (as he slumped down in his chair) “really bad”.

It was at this exact moment that I decided to further research the power of masculine and feminine energies 😉

So how do you know your dominant energy?

Feminine Flow

If you are feminine at your core, then you’re turned on by the strength of the masculine.

A person who:

  • Is all about doing;
  • Leads & takes charge; has purpose & direction;
  • is logical & rational
  • is strong & driven;
  • Wants to protect; & moves in the world with confidence.

The masculine is like a train on a track!

Attracted by this? Then you’re definitely more feminine in essence.

Masculine Charge

If you are masculine at your core, then the beauty of the feminine turns you on.

A person who:

  • is all about feeling;
  • is sensual, soft & radiant;
  • moves to music;
  • wants to be taken care of;
  • can be a little wild at times; &
  • Opens to your love.

The feminine is like an unpredictable storm!

Sound good? If so, than you’re definitely more masculine in essence.

The feminine entices & attracts the masculine, and the masculine entices & attracts the feminine. EVERY TIME.

So how do we balance our masculine and feminine sides to get the most out of our life in all situations?

1. Explore

Many of us going through life with a mask on, never really taking the time to listen to what’s going on inside of us. We are operating in reactive mode and feel that we have lost the ability to choose our behaviour.

This can be easily modified. All you have to do is internally connect to who you are. An excellent way is to do this is to start coaching. When you work with a coach to explore your thoughts and feelings, you’re essentially are diving into your deeper, internal (feminine) side.

2. Seek out Nature

Places are also characterised as masculine or feminine. The feminine energy is life force; places like the forest, the jungle and the ocean are abundant with natural feminine energy and flow. These are great places to go when you need to reconnect with the feminine.

3. Get creative.

Creation can occur in many ways — drawing, writing, dance, painting, dreaming up new ideas, imaginative play – Envision what you want to create. Anything that expresses your flow is considered feminine.

By its very nature, the feminine is a creative force. Think about a woman’s body, it is femininity expressed in human form, and our bodies are designed to create life.

Notice & reconnect with your emotions

While the masculine is defined by logic and many of us have been taught to express ourselves this way in life. The feminine is expressed through emotions. We all have emotional selves, but few of us have been taught how to understand and express our feelings.

If you’re confused about your emotional process, start by learning to listen to your gut, not literally the grumble and groans of your “gut” but your gut instinct. Instinct is a very feminine ability.

4. Ditch the glorification of “busy”

Let’s be honest here, we’re overworked (over-masculinized), and therefore don’t often notice the spontaneous joys of life. Value connection, downtime, and rest as much as you value achievement, effectiveness and busy.

5. Make time for playfulness every day.

Fill your own love cup: you can’t give what you don’t have. Prioritise time to read books, listen to music, do yoga, and simply enjoy the moment. When you get out of your overworked state, you’ll feel more like yourself again.

6. Be Bold!

You may think of feminine as being quiet and rejuvenating, but that’s only half the story. Feminine energy is also bold — she is the force of transformation.

When you recognise that things in your life aren’t working for you – it is feminine energy that surges to make a change. This can be dramatic as destruction comes before creation; we must say goodbye to the old to make room for the new.

This process of transformation can feel unruly and scary at times. Your primitive brain will work extra hard to pull you back into what you know and keep you safe, remind yourself of the outcome you’re looking for. Change is the only thing that you can truly be sure of in life. If you are not green and growing, you are ripe and rotting – nothing can stay the same, it’s just not possible. Embrace the change with the powerful movement of the feminine energy.

It’s all too easy to lose touch with your feminine side and it’s a necessary aspect of who you are. If you feel overtired, burned out, overworked, confused or exhausted, you’re in desperate need of feminine energy to restore, invigorate and inspire you.  Practice the 6 steps and remember, I’m always here if you hit a road block or have questions.

Author

Nicky is a small business owner and mum of 3 who is an expert in empowering mums to put themselves first and function at their best so that their kids can have the best mum – the mum they deserve! Nicky has a diverse background including military service, psychology,health & fitness, and a fairly serious bout of post natal depression. She is an honest and down to earth coach who loves to laugh, learn and love.

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