New mums face many challenges and uncertainties. They also face their share of unsolicited advice, comments, and thoughtless questions.
I think every new mum would agree with me that the comments below are never appreciated. SO, take notes, strangers and family! Here are the comments to avoid saying to new mums.
Things new mums really don’t want to hear
1. “It’s just the weepies.”
New mums have been through a lot already, some may have even endured a traumatic pregnancy or childbirth. And while bringing home their little bundle may be a joyous occasion, it can also be scary and overwhelming. The last thing they need is for anyone to downplay their experience and their feelings.
So, instead of judging or dismissing what a new mum may be feeling, offer support and understanding.
2. “Wow! You look exhausted.”
Thanks, Caption Obvious. Chances are new mums have not slept very well since their third trimester. Now, with bub home, they’re lucky to get a couple of hours of uninterrupted sleep at a time.
So no, she doesn’t look exhausted, she very likely IS exhausted. And pointing it out doesn’t help much, especially if she’s doing her best to pull herself together.
3. “Sleep when the baby sleeps.”
Not. Always. Possible. There really is no need for this unnecessary comment. Simply let her figure it out and make yourself available when she needs help.
4. “Enjoy every minute.”
Babies are amazing! Especially when they’re your own. But no matter how much you love your little tot, there are sure to be tough moments along the way.
A comment such as this may lead a new mum to feel guilty and ashamed for not being joyful ALL of the time, especially when they’re tired and sleep deprived.
Although telling a new mum to enjoy every minute with their new bub may seem harmless, to a mum experiencing post-partum depression, such a comment may send them into a shame spiral because they are not able to enjoy their new life with their little one yet.
5. “You’re going to spoil your bub if you hold them every time they cry.”
Lies. And rude. And downright harmful!
As a new mum, I remember being made to feel that if I cuddled my little guy, I was letting myself be manipulated and that I’d be ruining him.
Such is not the case. Let’s allow mums and tots to enjoy each other and bond. Little ones don’t lay in their cot plotting to control the universe, much less their parents! Affection never spoiled or ruined anyone.
6. “How was your vacation?”
Yes. Vacation. I’m sorry, but being home changing an endless number of nappies, dealing with bodily fluids, and being sleep-deprived with a crying baby is not my idea of a vacation.
Mums returning to work from maternity leave will often hear this one, particularly from childless individuals and men.
While seemingly harmless and playful, this unwarranted comment belittles a new mum’s experience and the extraordinary lifestyle change she has just undergone.
7. “Wow! You’re going back to work already?”
If it seems fast to you, imagine what it feels like for the mum who, for whatever reason, is back at work. Working mums feel a lot of shame and guilt when returning to work. They don’t need others to pass judgment on an already difficult decision.
8. “You’re putting her in daycare?”
Along the same lines as returning to work so soon, new mums are often judged for relying on daycare, especially if they’re very young. With so many daycare horror stories, new mums are already apprehensive about taking their precious little ones to complete strangers.
Such a tactless comment adds to the guilt and anxiety new mums face when having to make tough decisions
9. “Are you breastfeeding?”
It may seem like an innocent question, but asking a new mum about their choice to breastfeed puts them on the spot about something that is a very personal decision.
In some cases, new mums may not have the option to breastfeed due to physical or emotional reasons. Whatever the case may be, mums should not have to explain or excuse their decision to breastfeed or formula feed.
10. “When’s the next one?”
Doesn’t it seem like we’re always being asked what’s next?
Dating someone, when are you getting engaged? Engaged, when are you getting married? Married, when are you having babies? Had a bub, when’s the next one?
It seems we are never allowed to just enjoy the moment without having to focus on the next thing.
The correct answer to this question is a simple one: None of your business.
What to read next
- Mums Reveal the Best and Worst Parenting Advice They’ve Received
- To the C-Section Mummas, Here are 22 Pieces of C-Section Advice Just for You
- The Best Advice You Never Asked For But Are So Glad You Got!
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