They are little balls of squishy goodness that eat, sleep, poop and repeat.
But, turns out, newborns have a whole truckload of tricks up their sleeves. And they like to wait for the most inappropriate times, like 2am, to show them to you.
So just what happens between the whole eat/sleep/poop/repeat regimen? Behold nine unexpected newborn baby talents that will probably leave you baffled. And in desperate need of a shower, a sleep or a wine. Most likely all three.
1. They can explode in a giant puddle of yellow poop
And leave you wondering HOW is it even possible for a newborn baby to be full of THAT much poop?? And when they do let it all out, they will probably also display a little smile of relief.
2. They have an uncanny ability to spew at the worst times
Oh look, guests have arrived. Let’s power-spew all over Mum so that she’s even more unpresentable when she goes to the door. Newborn goals right here.
3. They don’t give a stuff about the “feeding every two to four hours” guidelines
If baby is hungry, tired, needs comfort, wants to smell your familiar scent of mummy milk or knows that you’re about to eat dinner, go to the toilet, or try to take 15 seconds to yourself, then baby is going to want to feed. Even if the general breastfeeding guidelines suggest otherwise.
4. They are mini-grunting machines
Think it’s impossible to get a good night’s sleep with your partner snoring next to you? Add a grunting newborn baby on the other side and, well, you’ve got no chance.
By the end of the night I usually have my older two in the room too. One that talks in her sleep and the other that grinds his teeth. So it’s basically like having my own personal Annoying-Sound Quartet, delivered to my bedside every single night. And always available for an encore.
5. They sleep in 40 minute sleep cycles
Some newborns will go back to sleep after one sleep cycle. Many won’t. So, after you put baby down, shower and brush your teeth for the first time in three days, you’re left trying to fit in a good night’s sleep in about 11 minutes.
6. Their smell is addictive
There’s actually studies proving this.
7. They are absolutely mesmerising
You know those hypnotising hair-styling or cake-making videos on Facebook that give you a strange sense of calm, making it impossible to look away? Well newborns have that same effect on you. You can stare at them for hours and hours without even realising it.
Holding a newborn baby is one of the most calming experiences in the world. When they are sleeping, that is. When they are crying. Not so much.
8. They turn you into a Google-obsessed-wizard
When you’re not staring at your baby, you’re probably Googling questions about them. Such as “How to clean baby’s belly button,” “How many times should a newborn feed a day?” and “How to fold laundry one handed”.
9. They stop time
4am. 4pm. No difference really.
When you’re cradling your newborn and absorbing those fleeting mummy-baby moments, time doesn’t matter. Nothing else matters.
So let the washing machine beep at you, leave the dirty dishes to crust over in the sink and bask in that blissful baby sweetness while you can. Because another poonami is bound to hit soon!
Looking for more newborn knowledge? Check out these 7 completely valid reasons why mums with newborns get NOTHING done.