Parenting

10 Things To Never Say to a Stay at Home Mum

Want to annoy a stay at home mum? Any of these clangers is sure to p*ss her right off. 

Throw away lines can impact your mood immediately. One minute, you’re a sweet, sensitive mummy. Next, you’re a fire-breathing, steam-coming-out-of-your ears, laser-eyed girl on the edge.

You know who we’re talking about, right? The people who love to offer their ‘take’ on your life as a stay at home mum.

Well, here’s 10 of their most annoying, offensive and mis-judged opinions.

Read on. No doubt you’ve heard them before. And, heck, feel free to send this article to repeat offenders, the time for feigned indifference is over.

[mc_block_title custom_title=”1. What do you do all day?”]

This one never gets old does it?!  The first time it’s assumed that all we do all day is watch daytime TV, hackles begin to rise. Every time someone says it, it becomes more irritating. While you can’t give them your full schedule of waking up at 5am to a hungry baby and going to bed (or more accurately, passing out on the couch) at 7pm before the 9pm feed, simply ask them the same question. ‘What is it exactly that do YOU do all day?’ That should neutralise things nicely.

[mc_block_title custom_title=”2. Don’t you miss being in the office?”]

In a way, yes. Sure we can look back at our former lives and miss aspects of it, but most of us are happy in our current situation. I mean yep, I miss my old team and the social aspect but, looking after my son is where I’m happy now. There’s no need to try and poke at the fact our situations have changed. And being a mum can be lonely. Thanks for highlighting that!

[mc_block_title custom_title=”3. You must be so up-to-date with all the TV shows”]

Look, if we’re lucky, we’ll get to watch half an episode max, twice a week. But not for lack of trying, we would LOVE (and I do mean LOVE!) to sit back and binge on episodes of Orange Is The New Black. But the truth is, we’re tired. When we do get a moment to sit back and chill it usually ends with us passing out from exhaustion, then feeling guilty that we haven’t had time to fold the clothes or do the dishes. Yep there’s some binging but it’s of the sleep and/or guilt variety.

[mc_block_title custom_title=”4. If you get a spare moment can you do a few jobs for me?”]

You’re joking right? You think I’m dying to wrestle my toddler away from Peppa Pig or The Wiggles just so I can take your ASOS returns package to the post office? No, just no. I don’t actually have loads of spare time. Contrary to some people’s beliefs, stay at home mums have plenty on their plates, so while we may help when we can, don’t think we’re jumping at the opportunity to become your personal assistant just because ‘we’re at home all day’.

[mc_block_title custom_title=”5. It must be soooo boring”]

Just because taking the kids to the park or singing Hot Potato, doesn’t appeal to you, it doesn’t mean I’m bored. Along with many other SAHMs, I enjoy spending time with my child and watching him discover the world around him. It’s actually pretty amazing – and I’ve hardly got time to be bored!

[mc_block_title custom_title=”6. So, are you ever going back to work?”]

Believe it or not my career goals aren’t anyone else’s business but mine. You don’t question when a person is going to quit their job, right? So why would you do that to a stay at home mum? It’s rude, just stop. I’ll tell you when I’m good and ready.

[mc_block_title custom_title=”7. You must be rich to be able to afford to stay at home!”]

Maybe we are! But what if we’re not? What if my family is skimping? What if we’re just getting by, yet going back to work would mean we’d be in the exact same spot? What if this was a hard choice but one that is best for our family? Again, its none of your business – and can be a really sensitive spot. Tread very, very carefully.

[mc_block_title custom_title=”8. Wow! You have the biggest active wear wardrobe for someone who doesn’t workout”]

Look, tights and sneakers are comfy, get over it! When I’m wrangling my toddler, who has decided to play hide and seek through the shopping centre, it’s not the most practical thing to be wearing a power suit and Jimmy Choo heels. Don’t judge me. I actually showered today.

[mc_block_title custom_title=”9. It’s like having a holiday… forever!”]

Trust me, no-one is sipping Pina Coladas poolside. Being a stay at home mum isn’t a holiday. Your Dolly Patron style, Monday to Friday gig gives you a lunch break and sick leave. This might not be ‘work’ to you, but it’s so far from a holiday. There are no sleep ins to be had – and definitely no happy hour – just 24/7 on call mum duty.

[mc_block_title custom_title=”10. Everytime I come over you have a sink full of dishes”]

Do I? Well thanks for noticing. And yet not helping. We do our best to get the house in order while keeping our kids happy and healthy, so forgive us for not having our homes as pristine as you would like. Feel free to dry up – the tea-towel is to your left.

We don’t want a pat on the back, or a gold medal but what we would like is some respect and less condescension. How about a simple, ‘You’re doing great!’, or ‘You’re a machine!’ and if that seems like it’s too much, how about offering a helping hand? A hand with the laundry or dishes or even an hour of babysitting go a long way. Let’s be more supportive of each other, rather than tear each other apart with thoughtless comments.

Avatar of Tania Pradun

Autobiographical blogger, enthusiastic dancer and karaoke singer Tania Pradun brings her own brand of reality as a mum and entrepreneur to MumCentral. Well and truly in the ‘sandwich generation’ between teenage boys and ageing parents, Tania’s writing style is searingly authentic, making her readers laugh, cry and rage at the universal challenges today’s generation of parents face. Tania runs her booming Adelaide-based catering business Amazing Grazers from home, and in her ‘spare time’ attracts millions of views on TikTok for her grazing platter how-to’s. You can find her on Instagram @amazing_grazers and TikTok @amazinggrazers

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