Little boys are sweet, cheeky, charming, and heart-meltingly adorable. They love their mummies as much as they love using their doodles as swords and that’s perfectly okay. But, as I’ve slowly discovered over the past 11 years, little boys turn into tween boys.
Tween boys still love their mummies and sword penises, but now they also love Fortnite dances and dabbing. So. Much. Dabbing.
As much as I love watching my little boy grow into a tween, there are a few habits he’s picked up along the way that I don’t overly love.
So, to my darling tween son, and to all the other darling tween boys out there, these are the simple truths I wish you could accept. It would make life so much easier for us all!
1. Pee goes into the toilet
Not all around it. I swear if I sit down on a wet toilet seat one more time…
2. Lunch box snacks are meant to last ALL five days of school
Eating 15 snack packs of Shapes in one day – and hiding the wrappers under your bed? Not a good idea.
3. Towels don’t belong on the bathroom floor
There is this thing in the bathroom called a towel rack. It’s a rack. For towels. Ingenious, really.
And, you know that thing labelled “laundry basket” – that’s where laundry goes. Not on the floor right in front of it.
4. Bathroom mirrors do NOT need to be decorated in toothpaste spit every morning
Trust me. It looks so much better without caked on toothpaste smeared across it.
5. Reading text messages from mates doesn’t count as your 20 minutes of daily reading
Pick. Up. A. Book.
6. This is NOT how you sit on a sofa ⇓
I am not sure why tweens don’t understand this!
7. Complaining about being bored doesn’t actually cure boredom
Helping me fold the clothes does cure boredom. #MumTruth
8. Swearing doesn’t make you sound cool
You sound like a shirthead with a bad habit. Yes. I said Shirt.
9. Chores are daily things (not an ‘only when I nag you three times’ thing)
Your mission – to set the table, make the bed and unload the dishwasher. Every. Single. Day. If I have to cook food for you multiple times a day, you have to do this.
I’ll gladly switch if you’d prefer.
10. You sleep in it, you make it
Oh, and while we’re on the subject of beds, in no universe is this a ‘made bed’. ⇓
Do. It. Properly.
11. Please. Thank you. Learn them.
Use them. Don’t leave home without them. Manners are so important and not just around me. Around everyone.
12. Your stuff, your responsibility
If you’ve misplaced your Playstation headset, backpack, or homework, it’s on you, mate. Not me. Except for that one time I may have moved the headset and forgot where I put it. But that was ONE time.
13. Shrugs and eye rolls are not the only forms of communication
You’d be surprised how well words work.
14. Milk – the fridge. Cereal – the pantry.
Neither lives on the kitchen counter.
15. I don’t put fruit in your lunchbox just for the fun of it
It’s actually there for you to EAT it. Not return it back to me at the end of each school day. It’s not a library book.
16. A shower takes longer than 20 seconds
Rinse. Lather. Skip the repeat if you’d wish. And refer to #3 – the towel, when you’re done.
17. You’re not fooling anyone with your selective hearing
I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME!
18. You wanted the dog
Now he needs a walk. So, move it.
19. Fortnite is not going anywhere
I assure you, my darling tween son, Fortnite will still be there, waiting for you to play, after you do your chores.
20. Family outings still include you
Sorry buddy, but you’re coming to watch your little sister’s soccer match whether you like it or not.
It’s tough being a tween. We mums totally get it. We also know that the hardest years are still ahead of us (teenagerhood. Gulp).
So, to my darling tween boy, hang in there and remember these golden tween truths. But, most of all, remember that no matter how frustrated you feel in the days, weeks, months and years ahead, I’m always right there. Most likely cleaning toothpaste spit off the mirror or remaking your bed.
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