Have kids, they said. It’ll be fun, they said. And it’s been that, for sure. But they forgot to tell me when I became a parent, there was more to this role.
I’m talking perks. In fact, there’s a long list of perks that come with the job of having kids.
Okay, so there’s no pay cheque and you won’t get a bonus; the hours are long and the holidays are non-existent. But there are long lunches aplenty and the Christmas parties are awesome. Here’s a few more perks you might not have expected.
- Want to give something a miss? You always have a good excuse ready. “Oh shucks, we’d love to, but you know, you just can’t get the baby sitters these days…”
- Two words – kids flicks. Admit it, you cried in Up and secretly want to be Elsa from Frozen.
- When it comes to flying with small children, you get priority boarding before everyone else. (Okay, you’re still flying with kids, but every cloud…)
- Maternity clothes. Stretchy pants ain’t just for 9 months, my friend.
- Kids are naturally funny. You get to laugh. A lot.
- No foreign holidays, no Saturday nights out, no Sunday sessions. Know what? No money spent!
- You get multi-tasking. And have taken it to a whole new level. Mum level.
- You get into the most hilarious, mind-boggling and off-the-wall conversations of your life. “Mum, why don’t guinea pigs wear shoes?”
- Parent-and-child car parking spaces. If you can manage to nab an empty one, that is.
- You get to rediscover simple pleasures. Rain on your face, sand between your toes, walking barefoot on grass. Or – a favourite in our house – picking each and every sprinkle off a donut.
- Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Pressies … and breakfast in bed. Even if it’s cold, burnt or soggy. Even if they’ve eaten half of it en-route from the kitchen. It’s a perk. Go with it.
- Talking of bed – getting into yours at 8pm is perfectly acceptable when you have small children.
- Who needs pricey adult colouring-in books? You can get your therapy on colouring Peppa and pals whenever you want.
- Shopping for uber-cute outfits. Much more fun than shopping for yourself any day.
- When you’re very old, you’re more likely to have visitors. (Play your cards right, there might even be a granny flat with your name on it.)
- Trying to instil good manners, values and morals in your children means checking how your own are holding up.
- Your old Lego in the loft (plus a handful of Care Bears) finally get to see the light of day again.
- Dancing with pre-schoolers. It rocks. They don’t care if you have style, or rhythm. Hell, they don’t care if you do the Macarena with jazz hands thrown in for good measure. They just want to dance. Like crazy. With you.
- Christmas. Remember how it felt when you were tiny. That again – but with alcohol.
- Job satisfaction. When your little person has their very first day at school, you get to puff out with pride and think, “Hey, I made that’.
- You never knew your heart was actually capable of that much love.
- Cuddles. On tap. With gorgeous little people who think you’re the best thing since fish fingers.