Hands up if you’ve ever imagined a night with no kids, no hubby, no waking, no interruptions – just you, room service and a big king bed all to yourself!
Meet Shayne Ferm, and MC Doula, from Pump and Dump Comedy Show. We’re sure you can relate to this mother’s needs, a hotel room, to herself.
Watch as she makes the most of her night alone. Wouldn’t you?
A hotel room by myself, a hotel room by myself,
It’s not that I don’t love you but everybody needs a little me time for themselves,
It doesn’t count when I’m at work or working out, I need some time from my family,
I’m not asking for a week or for a month, just one night to sleep diagonally.
The baby woke me up at 2 and then at 3 then 5 then 7,
It’s not that i don’t love you, a night without that torture would be like I went to heaven,
I’m not asking for diamonds or pearls, I’m just asking you not to call,
Please don’t text me to ask where something is, if you can’t find it that’s your fault,
It’s all that I want, it’s all that I need, a place to lay down stare up at the ceiling,
With nobody screaming or needing or bleeding.
A hotel room by myself,
What I’d do with such a day, first time I felt that it’s OK,
But the sad part is that i’ll probably miss my small family so i’ll drink the guilt away,
Then I’ll pee for as long as I want, maybe even skim a magazine,
Watch a movie for the first time in 2 years and maybe even eat some weed,
Take a 30 minute shower, every other hour,
Get my ice from down the hall, drink out of every water bottle,
Fall asleep to the TV, and roll around on satin sheets,
And then I close my blackout drapes and maybe even trash the place
Do not disturb is on my door, choking hazards on the floor,
I wont be wearing any clothes, and when I leave I’ll steal the robes,
Breakfast in bed is what I’m making, and I won’t have to share my bacon,
Eat all the candy from the mini bar shelf and have a pillow fight with myself,
Take my time and pluck my eyebrows, call the front desk for more towels,
I wont be staying up too late, coz I’ll be tired from the 8 times I masturbated,
1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8, I just want to nap with no kid on my lap,
Nobody hitting or spitting or shitting,
Nobody shitting on me.
A hotel room by myself, a hotel room by myself.
Shot on location in Denver, CO
Directed by Andy Juett, Matty O’Connor and Andrew Bueno