There is an astonishing amount of misinformation about yonic (opposite of phallic) orgasms floating around out there (thanks social media, tv, movies, books, and porn). The most alarming thing about this is almost half of those people, are people with vaginas.
It’s an eye-opening reminder that sex education is severely lacking. Especially when it comes to the inner workings of people with vaginas. The lack of information we are taught about our own bodies is bad enough, when many of us are also raising people with vaginas, we owe it to ourselves, and them, to be informed with correct information.
These female orgasm myths are dangerous because they perpetuate unrealistic expectations and contribute to feelings of inadequacy or shame. When people believe in misconceptions they can feel distressed or pressured.
This can lead to performance anxiety, relationship issues, body issues, or unnecessary stress. Additionally, these myths may hinder open communication about sexual health, preventing individuals from seeking the information and support they need to have a fulfilling and healthy sexual experience.
Dispelling these myths is crucial for fostering a more inclusive, understanding, and informed perspective on sexuality.
There are more myths about the female orgasm than there are euphemisms (of which there are many) so here are 10 female orgasm myths and the facts:
Male and female orgasm myths – 10 myths BUSTED
Myth 1: Orgasms Are The Same For Everyone
Orgasms vary in intensity, duration, and the unique sensations each person encounters. Understanding and embracing this diversity can foster a more inclusive and informed perspective on sexual pleasure.
Myth 2: Orgasms Are Only About Physical Pleasure
Beyond the physical aspect, emotional and psychological factors significantly contribute to the orgasmic experience. Feelings of intimacy, trust, and emotional connection can elevate pleasure and satisfaction, emphasising the holistic nature of sexual well-being.
Myth 3: Everyone Has Orgasms Every Time They Have Sex
Contrary to the belief that orgasm is an automatic outcome of sexual activity, numerous factors influence one’s orgasmic response. Stress, fatigue, and underlying medical conditions can impact the frequency of orgasms, highlighting the need for a more nuanced understanding of sexual health.
Myth 4: Only Penetrative Sex Leads To Orgasm
Various sexual activities, including nipple or clitoral stimulation, oral sex, and other forms of intimacy, can lead to orgasm. Recognising and exploring diverse pathways to pleasure enhances sexual satisfaction.
Myth 5: Men Always Orgasm And Women Rarely Do
People of all genders can face challenges in reaching orgasm, and individual variations exist. Open communication and mutual understanding between partners are key in fostering a supportive and fulfilling sexual relationship.
Myth 6: Multiple Orgasms Are Common For Everyone
While some individuals can experience multiple orgasms, assuming it as a universal norm oversimplifies the complexity of sexual response. Achieving multiple orgasms depends on various factors, including physiological differences and individual arousal levels.
Myth 7: If You Don’t Orgasm, Something Is Wrong
The misconception that orgasm is a mandatory outcome of sexual activity can create undue pressure and anxiety. Understanding sexual satisfaction encompasses a spectrum of experiences, including enjoyment, connection, and communication, promotes a healthier perspective on sexual well-being.
Myth 8: Orgasms Are Only Genital
Some individuals experience whole-body orgasms, emphasising the importance of exploring and understanding one’s unique pleasure responses. Some people can orgasm through thought or mental stimulation only.
Myth 9: Orgasms Are Only For The Young
People of all ages can experience sexual pleasure and satisfaction, emphasising the importance of recognising and embracing sexual well-being throughout the lifespan.
Myth 10: Orgasms Are Always Loud And Intense
Individuals express pleasure in various ways, and understanding and respecting these differences contribute to a more inclusive view of sexual experiences.
Understanding and dispelling these myths is crucial for promoting a healthy and informed perspective on sexual experiences and pleasure. Communication, consent, and mutual understanding between partners are essential for a satisfying sexual relationship.
More orgasms, please
If you’re looking for tips on how women can enhance their solo sexual experiences and have better orgasms when alone, here are some suggestions:
- Self-Exploration: Experiment with different types of touch and discover what feels pleasurable to you.
- Use Lubrication: Heating or cooling lubricant can give new sensations and for the daring, there’s even a line of popping candy specifically for oral sex.
- Fantasy And Erotica: Engage in fantasies or use erotic materials to stimulate your imagination and enhance arousal.
- Incorporate Sex Toys: Experiment with sex toys to add variety and enhance pleasure. There are many options available, catering to different preferences. See our guide on how to choose the best toy for you.
- Focus On The Clitoris: The clitoris is a highly sensitive area for many people with vaginas. Experiment with different types of clitoral stimulation to find what works best for you. There are sex toys specifically for this type of stimulation.
- Mindfulness, Breathing And Relaxation Techniques: Be present in the moment. Focus on the sensations you are experiencing without distraction. Practice deep breathing or other relaxation techniques to reduce stress and increase overall body awareness.
- Explore Different Positions: Experiment with different positions and angles to find what provides the most pleasure during solo play. When you find a position that works for you, consider investing in some specially designed furniture to maximise your pleasure.
- Vary The Speed And Pressure: Change the speed and pressure of your movements to explore different sensations. Pay attention to what feels most enjoyable.
- Give Yourself Time: Be patient with yourself. It may take time to discover what brings you the most pleasure, and that’s perfectly normal.
- Pelvic Floor Exercises (Kegels): Strengthening the pelvic floor muscles through Kegel exercises can improve sexual function and increase sensitivity, potentially leading to more intense orgasms.
Remember that self-pleasure is a personal and unique experience. There is no right or wrong way to explore your own body. Listen to your body, be open to experimentation, and prioritise your comfort and well-being. If you have specific concerns or questions, don’t hesitate to consult with a healthcare professional or a sex therapist for personalised guidance.
What to read next
- Vanilla Sex: What Is It and What Does It Actually Mean?
- How to Enjoy Plus-Size Sex: 7 Tips to Build a Great Sex Life
- What is BDSM? Here’s our Ultimate Guide for Beginners
For a twice weekly dose of Mum Central, subscribe to our newsletter here.