Moving house. It seems like a blissful idea. More space. More modern. Better located. Yes!
Relocating seems like a great decision. That is, until you’re in the full-blown throes of actually moving and you realise moving house is literally HELL ON EARTH. Especially with kids at home. And during the summer. Whose idea was it to move anyway??
Well, we’ve been there, done that – and compiled the list to prove it. Here are the 10 unavoidable and completely true realities of moving house.
1. I’d love to help you move… said no one ever!
It’s a well-known suburban truth that when it comes to moving you’ll find out who your ‘real friends’ are. Likewise, you’ll discover who’s got surprise dodgy backs, forgotten prior commitments, or are strangely not picking up the phone. Reality? Nobody wants to help you move.
2. You’ll only ever 'move house yourself' once
It seems like a good idea to move yourself. There’s so much money to be saved. You’ll rope in a few friends and hire a truck. Easy!
Truth is that moving is hard work, stressful and see above re the ‘helpful friends’. You’ll only ever think moving yourself is a good idea once. And then forevermore realise it’s better left to the professionals, even if it costs a little bit of cash.
3. You’ll waste half a day of solid packing time being nostalgic
You’re packing like a machine. Culling, sorting, boxing and all-of-a-sudden you find the tiny newborn clothes you kept, your childhood photo album or love letters from a high school flame and BAM, that’s six hours gone.
4. You’ll undoubtedly declare you’re never moving again
This is the thirties version of the twenties mantra; ‘I’m never drinking again’. When you’re in the hellish eye of the storm you wonder if you’ll ever make it out the other side. You’ll be adamant that never again will you feel like this. Until… yep. You’re moving again. And then you remember….
5.The movers will most likely be a) late, b) get lost or c) it will rain
It’s surprising that Alanis didn’t add these annoyances to ‘It’s Ironic’. Frankly, they’d have sat rather well next to the ‘afraid to fly’ and ‘free ride when you’ve already paid’ lines. You could be in the middle of a ten-year-drought in a one-street town and if you dare move house, expect d) All of the above. Late. Lost. Raining.
6. If you’ve got boxes unopened from the last time you moved, you’ll move them again anyway…
Say you moved two, three, seven years ago. It’s not uncommon to have a stack of boxes somewhere you just haven’t opened yet. Murphy’s Law of moving, however, is not to assume this means you actually don’t need their contents. Murphy’s Law of moving dictates it’s imperative you move them once again.
And leave them untouched for another half-decade or so. Until you move again.
7. You’ll find yourself awkwardly justifying to movers just how dusty the space is where your couch was
You think your house is clean. Then someone lifts your sofa and there’s god-knows-what growing underneath it. Dust bunnies with their own baby bunnies, something the kids ate four years ago, and a collection of small, odd toy parts, coins and paper clips. It’ll be embarrassing. You’ll stammer excuses.
Truth? They couldn’t care less.
8. Your big new home strangely does not fit all the stuff that fit in your smaller home
Say you live in a three-bedder and you’re moving to a five-bedder. Guaranteed, despite that your new residence is 30% bigger, you’ll not be able to Tetris all your furniture in. Don’t ask why. Just accept it.
Store everything that no longer fits in the garage until further notice. Or until you move again. Reference point six.
9. You will always find a problem with your new place you weren’t expecting and can’t afford
The law of relocation says there will always be something wrong with the place you move into. The same law also says you won’t know about the problem until you move in. Whether the oven doesn’t heat, the pool filter’s broken or the toilet doesn’t flush you will discover an unanticipated problem.
10. You’ll discover just how addicted to the internet you are
Forget unpacking boxes, getting the WIFI hooked up will soon become your most important life mission. You’ve never taken on a task with such desperate enthusiasm.
Home is where the heart is – if only you knew what box you packed it in!
One of the nicest realities of moving is realising that no matter where you ‘hang your hat’ if you’ve got your peeps with you, life is going to be okay.
You’ll survive moving house, unpack everything eventually, and soon, you’re going to love your new home. Sure, it may take a few wines to get over the trauma of packing and unpacking boxes, but, it will be so worth it!