The Art Of Communication – How To Speak So Others Will Listen

Do you sometimes feel like your partner is speaking a whole other language? I mean, its English, but SERIOUSLY . . . what are you talking about? Or is it your child that seems to have trouble comprehending your language and you theirs?

Communication is SOOOO much more sophisticated than we realise. There is a tendency, especially in relationships, to assume that the message you are sending is the one that is being received – it’s rarely the case.

What if you could learn to speak (or at least understand) the language that your partner speaks? Would that make life a little easier on some days?

The answer is clearly YES in any language.

Let me share with you a personality profiling tool I was recently introduced to…

I think, it will change your world!

There are basically 4 different “colours” assigned to personality types. You will often be a mix of two or even three, but there is generally one dominant colour that will help you (and others) understand you.


Red’s Motive is Power!

• They are highly competitive.
• Winning is not everything, it’s the only thing!
• They are generally described as assertive, decisive and proactive.
• Demanding, forceful, strong willed and independent.

Which means their communication style is very direct, blunt, to the point. They can sometimes be mistaken for “rude” which they don’t intend to be, they just “say it how it is” – which some people love (probably other reds!) and some people hate.

Because of this they can struggle with connection, often being left wondering what they did wrong.

If you are a RED, set aside some time each week to just connect with people, with no addenda or outcome required. If you are talking to a RED, cut the “fluff”, they want yes or no answers, and direct communication, otherwise they will either switch off or not have a CLUE what you are talking about.


Blue’s Motive is Intimacy!

• Blues are the do-gooders.
• Connecting, creating quality relationships and having purpose, is what motivates and drives these people.
• They bring great gifts of quality and service and are generally loyal, sincere, and thoughtful.
• Blues can often have a hard time putting their own needs first.

BLUE’S style of communication is almost always centred on solving your problem or helping. BLUES are also very details oriented. They will see things that a big picture thinker like RED will not. BLUE loves to help! They will want to fix your problem, offer solutions, and listen to your woes. A wonderful person to have in your corner if you are not a great problem solver.

To communicate well with a BLUE – Slow down and be prepared to answer lots of questions and to repeat yourself as many times as needed, a BLUE likes to feel sure that they understand exactly what you are saying. To work well with a BLUE give them a job to do, ask for their help, set your ego aside and give them the gift of “being helpful”. (Just make sure you remind to take care of themselves too!!)


Whites are motivated by Peace!

• The ability to stay calm and balanced even in the midst of conflict
• They bring great gifts of clarity and tolerance
• They are generally kind, adaptable, and good-listeners
• They do not want to work for someone else and are often not happy with their accomplishments

You know that person you know who is just lovely ALL the time, never seems flustered, always looks immaculate and is friends with everybody? They are WHITE. You will never hear a WHITE gossiping about any-one. They always see and talk about the good in people and have the ability to make others around them feel calm and good about themselves.

To communicate well with a WHITE, do the same. Notice the beauty in the world, comment on the great things people have done. If you need to break some bad news to a WHITE or give negative feedback, use the sandwich method: Good Feedback|Bad Feedback|Good Feedback


Yellows are motivated by FUN!

• Fun lovers.
• Love the joy of living life in the moment.
• They bring great gifts of enthusiasm and optimism.
• Are generally charismatic, spontaneous, and sociable.

Aaaaah YELLOW, my favourite!! YELLOWS are fantastic people to be around AND very easily distracted. If your school report always said “talks too much in class”- chances are, you’re a yellow. To motivate a YELLOW talk about how much “fun” something will be or talk about how they will be leaving behind monotony/boredom/mediocre. A YELLOW wants to be none of these things! REDS and YELLOWS can appear very similar, except for the fact that a RED will forego any social activity to “be the best” and a YELLOW can’t resist them.

To communicate with a YELLOW be sure to feed back to then what they have said. YELLOWS are fast thinkers and big picture thinkers who can often make the mistake of talking in generalisations. To make sure you are heard or that you have properly heard your YELLOW, repeat what they’ve said to you or ask them to repeat what you’ve said, i.e. “So what I’m hearing is…..” Or “can you feed back to me what I’ve just said so I can make sure I’m communicating effectively?”

So there you have it!!! Your fool-proof guide to communicating. You’ve probably already started to identify with colour but can relate some of the other colour traits as well.

To find out more and start understanding how to best communicate with you family and friends, pop over to and start living to your strengths!!

Avatar of Nicole Thomas

Nicky is a small business owner and mum of 3 who is an expert in empowering mums to put themselves first and function at their best so that their kids can have the best mum – the mum they deserve! Nicky has a diverse background including military service, psychology,health & fitness, and a fairly serious bout of post natal depression. She is an honest and down to earth coach who loves to laugh, learn and love.

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