I’m calling it. Having a baby in 2018 is strange.
It’s been six years between pregnancies and I swear the number of ‘must-have’ baby products on the market has quadrupled since my last go at this whole baby-growing thing.
On my quest to find the hippest new baby products, I’ve come across some pretty odd extras. And it wouldn’t be fair of me NOT to share them with everyone else.
Pregnant or not, these crazy baby products are sure to have you scratching your head.
1. Fringe benefits
This, ladies and gents, is a wig for your baby. And not just any wig. Or no. It’s a baby bang wig to cover your daughter’s bald head and ensure she looks ultra chic in her headbands.
Need proof that our obsession with technology might be a little out of control? Enter the iPotty, which allows your baby to watch iPad while emptying their bowels. This one has bad idea written all over it. In fact, it actually won the Worst Toy of the Year Award (yes, there are awards for this).
3. Baby, hang on
You know how frustrating it can be when you’re desperate for a wee but your baby wants to be carried? Well, there’s a harness for that. This baby hanging harness lets you hang your baby up anywhere. Designed especially for use in public restrooms, we’re not sure whether this is the greatest thing we’ve ever seen. Or the worst.
No BS here. There are mittens designed to clean up baby poop. Simply put on your Shitten, wipe, and discard. Your hand stays 100% clean even when faced with the biggest poonamis.
5. The daddy strap-on
Are you ready for this? It’s a daddle. Yes, a dad saddle, a strap-on saddle that dad wears to ensure the best horsey rides ever. Giddy up!
6. Puppetry of the finger penis
Surprising your family with a gender reveal is a must for expecting mums these days (I swear this wasn’t even a thing my last time around). One way you can surprise them is with a cute gender reveal card. Like this one. Which allows you to use your finger to simulate their massive baby penis. It’s a boy indeed!
7. The plastic butt straw
How do you relieve gas in an infant? You stick this weird plastic straw known as Windi up bub’s butt and let ‘er rip. The device even comes with its own stopper to prevent you from going too far. Some parents swear this contraption is actually a godsend. Honestly I’m not game to try.
8. BYO Pee
Just in case your baby wants to carry a suitcase of their own urine around.
9. Go on the go
Of course, if you don’t want to lug around a bulky suitcase of pee, you can always carry it in this handy on-the-go animal-shaped urinal. I don’t want to alarm any new parents out there but public toilets still exist.
10. Chew toy for tots
Dogs really seem to love chewing on squeaky toys that resemble meat products. Hey, I wonder if babies will too.
Enter the Appeteether, a spare-ribbed or bacon shaped chew toy for your carnivore to horrify people with.
11. Smell ya later
Why you’d ever want to cover up that delicious new baby smell is beyond me. But, hey, if you decide your baby smells too incredible, you can douche her with this baby perfume. Take that Chanel.
Of course, these are only a few of the oddball items on the market these days. There’s buck-tooth dummies, itty bitty penis teepees and baby mop onesies, to name a few more crazy baby products. For older kids there’s also a whole slew of crazy toys that are sure to scar them for life.
If you are on the hunt for baby products that may actually benefit you and bub, head on over to our ultimate mum and bub giveaway where we’re giving away 10 baby essentials (none of which made this list), including a pram, carrier, car seat, breast pump, nappy bag and more!