Searching for a toy that will scar your child for life?
No? Well, we had to share these beyond bizarre toys with you anyway, just in case you ever decide that you do want to ruin your little one’s childhood forever.
Welcome to the weirdest of the weird when it comes to weird kids’ toys. It doesn’t get much more horrendous than this.
You’ve been warned…
Little Miss Nightmare
These soul-crushing sisters are actually part of the Little Miss No Name line of dolls that haunted the toy shelves back in the 1960s.
Such a shame they don’t still exist. I mean, what little girl wouldn’t love to have one of these staring at her every night?
Oh look, kids! The actual devil. In plush form. And with real human teeth.
There’s a whole website of these stuffed Satans for sale. Take your pick.
Excuse me while I NEVER SLEEP AGAIN.
Batman’s Water Pistol
Comes with super soaking action. Naturally.
Oh. So. Much. Wrong.
Yes, this toy has an ass for a face. Or a face for an ass. It’s hard to tell anymore.
This Human Skull Ride-On
You could buy a standard Little Tykes red and yellow car, like most parents. Or… you could opt for this vividly human skull mobile and really horrify the kids.
The oversized teeth, bulging veins and one bloodshot eye really add to the exterior, don’t you think? And that brain seat? Comfort and luxury in one.
The Avenging Unicorn
Meet Avenging Unicorn. Instead of pooping glitter and rainbows, Avenging Unicorn stabs you to death.
Goodbye magical, mystical unicorn from your childhood. Hello sadistic evil unicorn from hell.
Not a fan of unicorns? That’s okay. We also discovered The Avenging Narwhal to complete your disturbing toys collection (and guarantee your kids will need therapy later in life).
The Tampon Teddy
Soft, snuggly and super absorbent, the tampon teddy is every little girl’s BFF.
Dough It Yourself Droppings
This is actually quite popular in the land of Play-Doh. Kids like to play with poo. Go figure.
The Toy Teat
Because we all need a good education in cow milking.
Imaginary Play for the Criminally Insane
Crazy people like to play too.
Plush Pee and Poop
Some kids love dolls. Some kids love teddy bears. And some kids love cuddling a large drop of urine. Nope, nothing odd about carrying around a giant piece of plush poo with you. Nothing at all.
Complete with heaps of ginger hair that is just begging you to shave. And in the most suitable areas too. Like the calves, shins and, of course, the butt.
Hair-raising isn’t it?
The Pianist of the Damned
What horror story did this thing crawl out of?
Me Up Wolverine
Look away, Hugh Jackman. Look away!
And, Finally, A Money-Eating, Soul-Stealing Face Bank
You literally put your money where the mouth is. This, mums and dads, is what plastic nightmares are made of…
Well, there you go. Disturbing toys by the bucket-load. In case you need a reason to not sleep tonight… you’re welcome. Oh, and while you’re browsing bizarre things, have a look at these vagina trends that need to stop right now.