Searching for a toy that will scar your child for life?

No? Well, we had to share these beyond bizarre toys with you anyway, just in case you ever decide that you do want to ruin your little one’s childhood forever.

Welcome to the weirdest of the weird when it comes to weird kids’ toys. It doesn’t get much more horrendous than this.

You’ve been warned…

Little Miss Nightmare

These soul-crushing sisters are actually part of the Little Miss No Name line of dolls that haunted the toy shelves back in the 1960s.

Such a shame they don’t still exist. I mean, what little girl wouldn’t love to have one of these staring at her every night?

A Fuggler

Oh look, kids! The actual devil. In plush form. And with real human teeth.

There’s a whole website of these stuffed Satans for sale. Take your pick.

weird toys that will scare your kids

Excuse me while I NEVER SLEEP AGAIN.

Batman’s Water Pistol

Comes with super soaking action. Naturally.

Oh. So. Much. Wrong.

WombuttWombutt toy

Yes, this toy has an ass for a face. Or a face for an ass. It’s hard to tell anymore.

This Human Skull Ride-On

You could buy a standard Little Tykes red and yellow car, like most parents. Or… you could opt for this vividly human skull mobile and really horrify the kids.

The oversized teeth, bulging veins and one bloodshot eye really add to the exterior, don’t you think? And that brain seat? Comfort and luxury in one.

The Avenging Unicorn

Meet Avenging Unicorn. Instead of pooping glitter and rainbows, Avenging Unicorn stabs you to death.

Goodbye magical, mystical unicorn from your childhood. Hello sadistic evil unicorn from hell.

Not a fan of unicorns? That’s okay. We also discovered The Avenging Narwhal to complete your disturbing toys collection (and guarantee your kids will need therapy later in life).

The Tampon Teddy

Tampon Teddy weird children's toys

Soft, snuggly and super absorbent, the tampon teddy is every little girl’s BFF.

Dough It Yourself Droppings

disturbing toys for children poo play-doh

 

This is actually quite popular in the land of Play-Doh. Kids like to play with poo. Go figure.

The Toy Teat

Milky milking cow toy

Because we all need a good education in cow milking.

Imaginary Play for the Criminally Insane

Crazy people like to play too.

Plush Pee and Poop

Pee and Poo soft toys

Some kids love dolls. Some kids love teddy bears. And some kids love cuddling a large drop of urine. Nope, nothing odd about carrying around a giant piece of plush poo with you. Nothing at all.

Baby Shave-Me

disturbing toys for kids

Complete with heaps of ginger hair that is just begging you to shave. And in the most suitable areas too. Like the calves, shins and, of course, the butt.

Hair-raising isn’t it?

The Pianist of the Damned

disturbing toys

What horror story did this thing crawl out of?

Blow-Me Up Wolverine

Look away, Hugh Jackman. Look away!

And, Finally, A Money-Eating, Soul-Stealing Face Bank

You literally put your money where the mouth is. This, mums and dads, is what plastic nightmares are made of…

Well, there you go. Disturbing toys by the bucket-load. In case you need a reason to not sleep tonight… you’re welcome. Oh, and while you’re browsing bizarre things, have a look at these vagina trends that need to stop right now.

Author

Born and raised in Canada, Jenna now lives in Far North Queensland with her tribe, including her son, daughter, cat, dog and partner. When she's not writing, you can find her lounging by the pool, watching princess movies, frolicking on the beach or nagging her kids to put on their pants.

Write A Comment