The world is eagerly counting down the weeks until the Duchess of Sussex pops out her first baby.
And we at Mum Central couldn’t be happier for Meghan and Prince Harry.
Of course, talk at the moment is how Meghan might be gearing up for a home birth at her new Windsor Castle digs. And everyone already has their eye trained on the royal baby bump.
Dear Meghan, we need to talk …
But, Megs – can I call you Megs? – before you let your inner pregnant goddess out, we need to have a bit of a chat.
Because there are some things about being pregnant that your royal gal pals probably won’t tell you. So pull up a fancy chair and let’s talk. Mum-to-be to mum-to-be.
stalking watching you closely, especially during your royal Australian tour. And, girl, you have killed it. You glow, you shine, you ooze radiance.
I mean, you haven’t even thrown up on yourself, farted loudly during a work encounter OR started to ugly cry in public.
So you’re doing better than me.
Haemorrhoids. Heartburn. Hormones. And that’s only the start of it!
But, Megs, let’s be a bit honest here. Pregnancy isn’t always as glamorous as you make it look. There’s a lot of weirdness happening underneath the fancy frocks – swollen body parts, leaking breasts, strange skin changes, added pressure down below.
I know. I’ve been there. But, I just didn’t have the world watching me.
Behind closed doors, it’s okay to admit that you’re counting down the seconds until you can take off the bra, put your feet up, fart without fear.
It’s perfectly okay to let your hair down. In a few months you’re going to have to. Because you won’t be able to reach the nether regions to do much else.
You will probably hate Harry at some stage.
Right now, you look at Harry the way I look at Tim Tam Balls. Clearly you love him and want to eat him up. The whole world feels the same about the darling Prince Harry. He can do no wrong.
But there will be times when you will want to scream at him. And tell him ever so calmly to stop speaking in his charming accent and leave you the eff alone. And that’s ok.
You’re supposed to want to throat punch your husband throughout your pregnancy. Especially when he mentions he’s tired, or his back hurts, or he’s uncomfortable in any way, shape or form.
So, in between all the PDA (that’s public displays of affection btw) and googly-eyed glances, feel free to send him death stares and kick his shin really hard under the table. This is the normal reaction, even for royal ladies.
Ignore your sister-in-law’s birth stories.
Now, let’s move on to your sister-in-law, shall, we? Somehow she manages to pop out kids in record speed and then leave the Lindo Wing hours later looking like she’s just left the hairdressers. We’d hate her too.
Smiling and waving and ignoring the fact that it feels like someone just took a sledge hammer to her perineum.
Yes, it’s possible to have a quick and easy delivery and head home shortly after. But most mums don’t look quite so sensational doing it. Why? Because labour bloody hurts.
Sure, labour is beautiful and natural and angelic and all that’s other jazz, but, it’s also next to impossible to make it look graceful. You’re already huge and swollen, plus you’ve got this intense pain radiating from your ribs to your thighs. You’re either groaning in pain, panting in between contractions or grunting as you push.
Not the prettiest sights. Or sounds.
Then there’s the extra fluid gushing out all over the place – the sweat, the amniotic sac fluid, the blood, possibly vomit, possibly poo.
Then baby comes and your world stops. The pain stops (for a second) and nothing else matters (again, just for a second). After that second, reality sets in because you need to push out the placenta, and cradle your new infant and most likely sit still while the doctors clean and stitch you up.
Yes, it’s the most incredible experience you’ll ever go through. But, honestly, how can ANYONE look good so soon after that?!
Be Queen on the Post-Birth Sweatpants
So, my new royal BFF, don’t feel pressured to put on a pretty dress and heels and waltz outta the delivery room a few hours later.
Let Kate be crowned the Duchess of Delivery. Take your sweet time. Let the hospital staff bring you ice blocks for your crotch and heat packs for your back. Indulge in jelly cups, custard and pear juice.
And, when you do decide to make your grand exit and introduce your new bundle of joy to the world, rock the sweatpants, the compression band, the thongs, the mum bun, the colostrum-stained t-shirt.
The world will still love you. Or, we mums will, at least!
Good luck Duchess! And may the odds of a cruisy pregnancy and speedy labour be ever in your favour.
Wondering hat this loved up royal duo might be considering on the baby name front? Check out this short list of royal baby names.