Is there anything more annoying than being cranky as hell for a legit reason and your guy suggesting it’s because you’re in tampon-town? Husbands and periods. Kill us.

Here’s 11 examples (of millions to choose from) where it was you, husband, and nothing to do with my lady-bits…

The only thing more predictable than a menstrual cycle is a man’s claim that it’s the only reason for your apparent emotions. God forbid you ever get annoyed / angry / emotional / cranky / frustrated / <insert other emotion here> for legitimate reasons and not just because ‘you must be on your period’.

Apparently it is completely unfathomable to consider that you may in fact have a genuine whinge or reaction that has absolutely nothing to do with a shedding uterus.  Well let me tell you men, the truth of this little conundrum is actually as so. 99% of the time, we’re not on the crimson tide, you’re just really pissing us off.

So husbands, hear ye! Good news! We’ve done the hard work for you. Here is a quick checklist of when to not put yourself in the firing line by enquiring about ‘aunt flows’ arrival.

There are no excuses from here. You have been warned.

11 instances when I am legitimately angry and THIS is not my period talking…

  1. When you have spent large chunks of weekend time out with friends drinking, hung over or watching sporting events, leaving your girl at home with bored and whiney kids.
  1. When you ignored the first six months of being asked to fix a household item then get shirty (and strangely insecure) when I call a handyman.
  1. When you dump your shoes, work pants, socks, jocks etc in the hallway after work and leave them there for the cleaning fairy.
  1. When you comment on my outfit claiming that ‘you look like a gangster lesbian bikie in those shorts’, ruining my favorite denim pants forever. It wasn’t a compliment then, it still isn’t now. Maybe just don’t comment at all.
  1. When you run over my tomato plant with the lawn mower because you thought it was a weed. Don’t you dare complain tonight’s salad is boring.
  1. When you fart in my car with the air conditioner on just as you are getting out, entombing the stink to punch me in the face later on. Vile.
  1. When you forget to tell me that me that the kids dropped my towel in the toilet, but you thoughtfully hung it back on the rail to dry for me. (This also applies to my toothbrush. Or anything else that may come in contact with the toilet.)
  1. When you ask me what my plan is for dinner as I just arrive home after a day of ferrying kids to dance and sports lessons. Calling it out to me whilst you sit in your underpants under the air con watching literally anything on TV is brave. Very brave.
  1. When you leave margarine, milk and other perishables on the kitchen bench but always usher your beers immediately into the fridge. God forbid the beer gets warm. Who cares about milk for my morning coffee?
  1. When you point out any job that could be done around the house. That you could do yourself quicker than tell me about. ‘The toilet roll need changing in the bathroom’. Prime example.
  2. When you habitually refer to my mother as Satan. Just don’t.

The list could go on and on….! Now, tell me about your partner’s brush with death when he claims your feelings are period induced.

Author

Renae Hall-Butson is an immature 30 something born and bred in Perth, W.A. Mother of three and survivor of twins. A former Technical Writer who has traded writing fascinating ‘think pieces’ about Mining equipment for writing about the chaos and terror caused by raising small children. Currently the operating a Technical Writing business from home and assisting her punk ass husband with his Music Promotion business (not all heroes wear capes). Hobbies include harassing her mother with prank phone calls, creating awkward and embarrassing moments daily and giving her husband the stink eye. A devoted Pepsi Max enthusiast who copes with adulthood by trying to find the funny in all situations. Once awarded the title of ‘professional turd polisher’ who enjoys the challenge of making the mundane interesting in an effort to make people smile.

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