At 35 weeks pregnant I had a lot of goals for my maternity leave. I was gonna bake cookies, organise closets and take millions of perfectly staged photos of my new little princess.
Then I had her. And, well, it’s 10 weeks postpartum and basically all I’ve done is produce milk and eat snacks.
The prospect of NOT working is a tricky one for some of us mums to comprehend. My day to day routine involves going to work. So, logically speaking, not having a job cemented in my schedule automatically frees up several hours every day, right?
To do what? Like many slightly delusional pregnant mums, I assumed I would have ALL the time to do ALL the things while my newborn baby blissfuly slept 16 of the 24 hours in a day away.
What was on my list of things to do?
Here are a few things I assumed I would get accomplished during those first three months:
- Bake a bunch of healthy meals.
- Stage an epic newborn photo shoot complete with heaps of adorable props.
- Write super awesome thank you cards to everyone, featuring perfectly staged pic from above.
- Update the pregnancy book that is still sitting in my drawers…untouched.
- Go to Centrelink and sort out all birth paperwork.
- Wash down the walls, the windows, the fans and the skirting in the house.
- Clean out the linen cupboard and replace the current mess with cute Kmart baskets, complete with individual tags for each item.
- Do the same in pantry and laundry room. Also baby’s room.
- Join a bunch of new mum groups to meet likeminded individuals.
- Walk daily with baby with my fancy new baby carrier.
- Perform my kegal exercises five times a day.
And here’s what I have accomplished, so far:
- Convinced the Uber Eats dude who dropped off Maccas to hold the baby for three full minutes while I peed.
- Took 35 blurry pics of the baby, in all of which my boobs are on display.
- Bought some thank you cards. Left them in the car.
- Received an adorable “Baby’s First” book from a mate. Placed it in the drawer next to the untouched pregnancy book.
- Called Centrelink three times, only to crack the shits, and hang up after 15 minutes of waiting.
- Planned a trip to Kmart to buy woven baskets and tags. Bought nappies instead. And candles.
- Washed the dishes. Once.
- Ate the entire contents of my pantry. Then sent the MIL to the shops to restock the pantry.
- Attended one new mum group meeting where baby shit all over me. Have yet to return.
- Walked down the road twice. Both times the baby spewed all over the carrier.
- Peed myself after a sneeze.
Okay, so clearly my to-do list isn’t going quite to plan. But, in addition to the above, I’ve also spent more hours than I can count expressing milk, cuddling my little sweetheart and just basking in the sweaty, spew-stained glow of being a new mum.
So the walls are still dirty and the linen closet is a mess and the Uber Eats dude knows more about my baby than he really should. But hey, I’ve still got two more glorious months of mat leave left.
Surely I can sort my shit out by then…