Okay mums. Let’s be honest for a moment here. Parenting is pretty much the hardest endurance sport in the history of sporting events. Ever.

And we mums deserve a freakin’ medal for our efforts. Every single day.

It’s you versus your pint-sized opponent. There’s sweat, tears, the occasional f-bomb and usually all before your morning coffee.

Yep, those elite athletes really have got nothing on your average parent. Up before dawn to hit the pool for a cool 10 kilometres? Whatevs. Try being up before the sun to strip the cot linen after a poonami painting incident. That takes dedication. And patience. And a cast iron stomach.

Sweating it out in the weights room? Pffft, try carrying a 15-kilogram toddler in one arm, a newborn in the other, a nappy bag that weighs similar to your average shot put while pushing a trolley full of groceries. The leg press machine ain’t got nothing on that.

If you’re nodding along then chances are you’ve been there and carried/pushed/changed that.


So join us as we delve deep into the nitty gritty of the parenting olympics. Here are nine other hilarious ways parenting is like an Olympic sport, minus the medals, of course. 

1. All the training in the world cannot prepare you for public tantrums

You read all the parenting books. You practise saying”no” in a firm but gentle voice until you’re sure your toddler is down with it, just like a marathon runner training for the race of their life. Then the big day comes. And despite picturing this EXACT moment, nothing can quite prepare you for the intensity, the emotion and the noise.

2. You need to expect the unexpected, always

Whether it’s a wildcard entry from the Netherlands who storms to the front of the leaderboard in the 100m butterfly or an active toddler who decides to escape the gated playground (eeeek), the reaction is the same; shock, fear, a reasonable amount of frustration.

Fortunately, us parents have a few more tools in our arsenal (helloooo nappy pants, where have you been all my life?) The 100m freak from the Netherlands we can’t do much about.

parenting-toddlers-runaway

3. There will be bodily fluids

It’s always said that sport requires sacrifice, often literally. Blood, sweat and tears and all that jazz. Kind of like an average day spent with your child.

From the bleeding nipples of the newborn days to the skinned toddler knees and the unique kind of sweat generated by losing sight of your child in Kmart, parenting is, to be frank, kind of disgusting at times. If you haven’t caught a vomit/poo in your hands and then cried at the sheer horror afterwards, are you even a parent?

4. There can only be one winner

In households all over Australia, parents fight a myriad of battles each day. Whether it’s gently coaxing the ingestion of green food or attempting to change a nappy so full it actually resembles an inflated balloon, it’s a jungle out there. And there can only be one victor.

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5. No pain, no gain

We’ve all heard this old adage when it comes to exercise. It’s designed to encourage us to push harder and faster. The same rule often applies to parenting. Whether it’s trying to convince your toddler they no longer need a dummy or that broccoli isn’t the devil, the process can be long, drawn out and painful. But the ultimate outcome will be worth it. You just need to survive in the interim!

6. Time is of the essence

Olympic athletes spend a heck of a lot of time focused on the stopwatch/clock. Parents of small children are the same. Whether it’s working out when the next nap time will be, counting down to bedtime (no judgement here) or trying to change a wriggly toddler with one hand while entertaining their sibling with the other, time is of the essence.

7. Nutrition is key

An athlete is only as good as the food they’re fuelling their body with. A similar rule applies to parents but with a few notable differences. An athlete may have their protein shake, we have our large latte.

They may stick to a macronutrient balanced, dietician approved eating plan, we may eat cake to help ward off sleep deprivation and deal with mood swings of a cranky two-year-old. Same same, but different.

toddler eating

8. Sometimes you have to accept defeat

You can’t win every race, fact. Sometimes, the road of least resistance is the best road to take. So your kid wants to watch Paw Patrol instead of the more educational Play School? Meh, some days it’s just not worth the fight. Ditto when it comes to food. Some days you will serve up a nutritionally sound meal prepared with oodles of love, other days it’ll be fish fingers. Even Michael Phelps slips at times. You’re only human.

9. You can only try your best

Mums, in particular, spend a lot of time feeling guilty. #mumguilt is a real thing and it can eat away at us daily. Thing is, we can only do our best at any given moment. A (reasonably) clean, well fed (yes, rice crackers count as a food group) and loved child is the ultimate goal.

If we go to bed each night with one (or more) of them under our roof, then we definitely deserve that medal. FACT. 

Going for gold 

Sure, this proverbial mummy medal isn’t exactly tangible, but we do get something better.

We get unconditional love, all day (and night) cuddles and “I love you Mummy”

Their words aren’t shiny. And you can’t proudly display them in your trophy cupboard. But these simple and sweet words are worth their weight in gold.

Wouldn’t you agree?

mother-and-toddler-on-floor-having-fun

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Author

Naomi is 3/4 latte drinking, peanut butter obsessed former magazine girl who now does stuff with words for a living while juggling 2.5 kids, 2 cats, 1 rabbit, husband and an unhealthy obsession with slow cooking.

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