Divorce

A Moment of Clarity: Mums Share their Divorce ‘A-Ha Moment’

No one goes into a relationship expecting it to end. But sometimes, despite our best efforts, there comes an a-ha moment when we know it’s over and divorce is inevitable. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed at marriage. It doesn’t necessarily mean your partner is a horrible person (even though sometimes it does). It means you’ve put your welfare and happiness, and that of your kids, first. And that is empowering.

We recently asked you to share the reasons you knew it was time to leave or go through with a divorce in a Mum Central Facebook post. Here is what some of you said.

Revealed: 10 Moments Women Knew It Was Time for Divorce

1. Education mimics reality

When doing a DV unit for a course I’m studying and realising it was the best thing to have ever happened to me and the kids!”

There’s nothing like a little education to open our eyes.

Parenting Plan Requirements - Divorce A-ha moment
Source: Adobe Stock

2. For the sake of my mental health 

My mental health and the fact my daughter needed her mum healthy and here because he was never going to look after her properly.”

We can’t fill the cups of our kids if ours are empty.

3. A family member’s ultimatum 

My mum gave me an ultimatum – him or them (her and dad). I knew my mum would never say something like that lightly… so heeded her ‘warning’. To this day I’m grateful she had the strength to say that to me (as much as it hurt at the time).”

Mums know things we don’t want to acknowledge yet.

4. Unhealthy habits 

Because all he wanted to do was drink and game and not be part of the family we made together and I was taking care of two kids all by myself, so I figured I was doing on my own I may as well be on my own.”

Sometimes it’s easier to be a single, single parent than a single, married parent.

5. Not on the same page

Because it’s okay to be strong and say we grew apart. My ex-husband wasn’t on the same page but two happy homes are better than 1 unhappy home. We navigated a whole divorce still working together. It’s all for the kids.”

It takes a lot to admit you’ve grown apart from someone. And kudos for keeping it peaceful for the kids.

divorce a-ha moment
Source: Bigstock

6. Cheating and pregnancy 

The short of it. Ex slept with then 15-year-old*, (allegedly) and also got my so-called best friend pregnant (confirmed). *Please note the alleged part is to protect myself.”

When I found out he was sleeping with the bridesmaid from the wedding.”

When I found out he was using his uncle’s funeral to make plans to cheat on me. I should have left years before this.”

How devastating. Better off without them!

7. Eggshell a-ha moment

When my daughter told me to turn the TV down one morning because ‘he’ll get angry if we wake him’. Packed the bags and moved out that day!”

No one should have to walk on eggshells in their own home.

8. Lack of patience and respect

When he didn’t have the patience to wait a few minutes for me to make him a meal after work and passively aggressively left and only brought food for himself. Meanwhile I have been patiently waiting for the past 6 years for him to start treating me better. I asked myself while I was crying myself to sleep that night why the hell am I still here?”

Know your worth! And never be afraid to put yourself first.

9. Abuse

After suffering 20 years of abuse I finally broke free and not once have I ever looked back.”

So happy for people in abusive relationships who manage to get free.

10. Considering the future 

I kept looking into my future and saying in my head, ‘Do I want to live like this for the next 30 or so years?’ So sad that it has ended, I just wanted to be happy.” 

Sometimes we need to make the hard choices to live our best lives for ourselves.

Deciding to divorce when you have kids is a tough decision. It’s like walking a tightrope between your happiness and making sure your kids don’t cop too much fallout.

Figuring out whether to call it quits involves some serious soul-searching and honest conversations. You’ve got to consider the impact on you and the kids–emotional well-being, school, friendships, and the physical aspects like the house.

Balancing your happiness with being a good co-parent is crucial, but it’s no walk in the park. It’s about being mindful and making sure the kids come out the other end with as few scars as possible.

Divorce is about being true to yourself and enabling yourself to be the best version of yourself for you and your kids.

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Avatar of Tina Evans

Tina Evans is a complete introvert, an avid reader of romance novels, horror novels and psychological thrillers. She’s a writer, movie viewer, and manager of the house menagerie: three kelpies, one cat, a fish, and a snake. She loves baking and cooking and using her kids as guinea pigs. She was a teenage parent and has learned a lot in twenty-three years of parenting. Tina loves Christmas and would love to experience a white Christmas once in her life. Aside from writing romance novels, she is passionate about feminism, equality, sci-fi, action movies and doing her part to help the planet.

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