Okay, I’m calling it. Society’s obsession with showcasing the vagina needs to end. Like yesterday.
Sure, we all admire the female genitalia for its incredible role in the birthing experience, but – let’s face it – no one needs to see a vagina around your neck. Or on your nails.
With this in mind, let’s delve below the belt and into some of the kookiest, creepiest and downright weird vagina trends that are sweeping across social media.
Perhaps if we address them, they will go away. Probably not, but, it’s worth a shot, right?
Vagina finger nails
Your nails say a lot about you. And thus, many women are letting their hands do the talking by attaching itty bitty vaginas to the ends of their fingers.
The “pussy power” move is meant to be empowering, especially when you choose to dress up your middle finger with such a powerful symbol. Take that society.
Bombing your vagina with glitter. Yes, this is also a thing. Women insert these little pills into their vajayjay before intercourse to add a little bit of colourful confectionery to the whole sexual encounter. The Passion Dust dissolves, releasing “sparkling candy-flavoured passion dust” that makes sex “magically delicious”.
Sure, it sounds just as much fun as riding a magical unicorn through Pleasuretown, but it’s actually considered quite dangerous, with many gynaecologists warning women against trying it.
Okay, so glitter is out. What about heavy crystal-like eggs? Jade eggs to be exact. According to Goop (Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle blog), “Jade eggs harness the power of energy work, crystal healing, and a Kegel-like physical practice”.
Plus, you can finally fulfil your dream of becoming a human egg-laying hen. Vagina eggs for the win!
Let’s move away from the dairy aisle and into the baked goods with these delightfully charming vagina cupcakes, perfect for any vagina-themed bash or baby shower you might be hosting in the future.
Penis-themed baked goods have been a thing for a while. It was only a matter of time until we evened things up.
Vagina baby shower cakes
Or, you can really impress your guests with a vagina baby shower cake, complete with bubs’ head coming out.
Now who’s hungry?
What’s hotter than dry ice? Nothing, apparently. And having -160 degree vapour blasted at your genitals is the newest must-try beauty trend. Known as Cryotherapy, the process can be done for medical reasons, but many women are now opting for the treatment for aesthetic reasons instead.
Freezing your vagina is not only supposed to enhance the look of your nether-regions, but it is also purported to improve your sex drive. I’ll stick to oysters thanks. On ice.
You may recall the viral vagina necklace that graced our Facebook feeds a few months back. Well, the nether-region necklace is still a popular accessory for women around the world.
Thinking about wearing your vagina necklace but not sure what to pair it with? Thanks to Etsy, you can now coordinate with a stunning set of vagina earrings.
According to the seller, “These Vagina Earrings symbolise the international campaign against venereal diseases”.
Well, at least there’s a reason for this fashion statement.
A facial for your genital region? It’s a vajacial, of course. This trend actually seems kind of normal compared to the rest of them. Or maybe I’ve just been writing about vaginas for too long…
Vagina wall art
We’ve decorated our vaginas and we’ve decorated our bodies with vaginas. It’s only natural for weird vagina trends to move to the home so we can decorate our walls with vaginas as well.
Enter vaginal wall art, another stylish option for people who simply adore vaginas. Because nothing says, “Welcome to my humble abode” quite like a massive clitoris hanging from the front entrance.
Well, that pretty much wraps up the worst of the worst when it comes to weird vagina trends. We are sure there are more crazy trends coming, whether we like it or not. After all, it’s clear from these recent trends, the vagina is out. And clearly taking over the world.
Need more vagina in your life? Have a read of our Viva La Vagina (if you dare).