Where do we start talking about the sensual side of parenthood? With the alarming number of parents who have lost their intimate connection? Or with the parents that say, “ok can’t that part of my life just be over already?” Or with the mother who says that her sensual life is getting better and better? 

Sensuality… hmmm, when I think of this word I come to the savouring of the sensations that are in our bodies. Maybe it is even the feminine side of awareness. And it seems that it is the side that many mums have somehow put on the back burner. The beautiful thing is that we can turn it back on at any time. As I sit here typing away I can feel into my skin, feel my glow and feel the sensations dripping from me. I can feel sensual.

Can you, as you sit there reading this, feel that sensual side of yourself and savour it?

Parenthood stripped that from me for a time. The constant cuddling of my darling soft child was savoured but with a different focus, I savoured the nurturing. Then the lack of sleep, endless washing of dishes, cooking, washing, cleaning, caring. I was in survival mode just getting to all the needs of my child and the mundane needs of the house. The sensuality was leached from me. As Esther Perel says being needed is the ultimate anti-aphrodisiac. Yet sensuality doesn’t need to be about sexuality. They combine beautifully but can both operate separately.

So if the pleasure of our own sensuality has washed into the gutters, how can we get it to rain again so that pleasure can drip from our bodies?

Me time

It starts with you. Taking time out from the demands of being needed to do something for yourself…. so you can savour the pleasure of being you. For some this looks like a bath with salts and candles, for others a slow solo dance, for some it is lying in the sun with a cuppa of tea, or maybe it is going and getting a massage. It doesn’t matter what the activity is as long as you can savour the sensations, enjoy the feeling of being in your body.

What do you like to do to savour being in your body?

Sensuality switch

You can feel sensual in a second by turning on your awareness to the sensual energy that is circling your body at any moment. This may seem impossible at times, and at other times it might be very easy. You may like to have a play with this in your life.

When can you turn on the sensual you? When you are doing the dishes, watching tv, walking the dog, having a shower? And in whose company? Can you do it when you are alone, with your partner, with your friends? On the bus surrounded by strangers?

Sensuality is part of us all

A sensual woman can be a powerful woman, yet there is so much judgment from society and from within ourselves at showing our sensual sides. I believe that it is an important part of who we are. That it is the part of us that can make us powerful and whole.

How do you feel about that part of you? For some women there is guilt and shame, for others fear, and for some excitement.

What is your reaction if I say to you: ”YOU are a sensual woman”?

The sensual meets the sexual

“We have to have a population that has been raised by orgasmic mothers. That is the key” Betty Dodson.

What happens when we take the sensual into the bedroom (or wherever takes your fancy)? Now I realise that we are all in different places here. Partnered, not partnered, interested in sex not interested in sex, having orgasms or not having orgasms.

So where are you at?

How satisfied are you with where you are at?

What difference can sensuality make wherever you are at in your sex life?

The trees outside my window are bobbing and shimmering in the wind, I like to imagine the tree taking it in. Enjoying the sensation of the wind licking across its leaves, feelings rippling through every branch, enjoying the pleasure of being in the world.

I believe that we can all experience great pleasure of being in our bodies, like feeling the air cuddle our skin, and by allowing that part of us to be noticed and savoured, we become powerful. Powerful women and powerful mothers.

Please visit www.connectful.me/ to read more about developing your relationship with yourself


Trish Everett is a Mindset Coach and Educator who specialises in helping single parents to regain their personal power and find the freedom they didn’t know they could have. For 17 years she has been supporting people develop their personal power as a fitness instructor, school teacher, principal, university lecturer, a coach and a mother. Be sure to visit her website, http://www.connectful.me

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