Most kids will say they don’t like school at some point in their lives. But if your child hates school every single day, it’s usually a sign that something deeper is going on.
The good news is it means their brain is functioning properly. And guess what? They might also be more intelligent than you realise.
But a child who hates school is more likely to experience stress, anxiety and depression, fall behind in learning, lose friends and possibly even skip classes. So parents must get on top of it immediately to try and turn things around. Here’s what you need to do.
Does Your Child Hate School? Here’s Where to Start
Children should naturally like school, in particular the socialisation with friends and learning new things. So when they say they hate it (and not just homework), then you know something is wrong. The first thing you need to do is try and get to the bottom of WHY they don’t like school.
If your child hates school, there could be a deeper reason behind it. They may have no close friends, be experiencing bullying or have an undiagnosed learning difficulty that’s leaving them feeling frustrated or like they’re falling behind. It could also be something happening outside of school, such as anxiety about their parents separating or another major life change that’s making them want to stay at home.
If you know what’s causing the problem you can then address it – such as discussing solutions for bullying and learning support with their teacher. If your child isn’t forthcoming with answers though then you will definitely need to talk to the school for more insight. You should also look for warning signs – e.g. boys tend to act out and misbehave, whereas girls become withdrawn and lethargic. Regular sick days and a refusal to talk about school are also other indicators.
On the Plus Side: Why Saying “I Hate School” Doesn’t Have to Be the End of the Story
According to Dr. Judy Willis, neurologist and former school teacher writing for Psychology Today, when a child says they hate school it’s actually a sign that their brain is functioning properly. Healthy brains apparently identify potential threats and try and protect their owner. She also says that children who are quite intelligent often have a problem with rote memorisation (which is what’s required and valued at school),. This means they can fall behind and believe they’re not very smart, which in turn makes them not keen on learning. Crazy right?
Build bridges
So what do you do to remove the ‘threat’ or feelings of inadequacy? The key, she says, is to build bridges for children. Help them connect their own personal interests with what they’re learning at school. This way their brain will attribute the happy thoughts and feelings usually reserved for what they love to school work and activities. This replaces the negative fight, flight or freeze mode their body automatically goes into when school is concerned. It makes it easier for them to focus and retain information.
For example, if they’re learning about indigenous Australians in class, you could talk to them about your family’s last camping trip and how you cooked on a fire and slept outdoors, connecting a happy memory to something new they’re learning.
Child Hates School? Curiosity Can Change Everything
On top of connecting their interests with school subjects, encouraging your child to question things and uncover information is another way to get them keen on learning. Because if they’re personally interested, they’re more likely to be attentive and develop their skills. And that means less likely to zone out. For example, say your kid really likes cars. Get them to work out how long it would take to drive to a specific destination based on a set speed limit. This puts those maths skills to practice in a positive setting aimed at feeding their natural curiosity.
Be more hands-on
The more interested and involved you are with what your child is doing at school, the less negative they’re likely to be as well. Plus helping them stay on top of homework, projects and other school activities has other benefits. It means they won’t get overwhelmed or forget deadlines. So if time permits, be abreast of all their school requirements and help them manage their time and be organised.
You’ll also gain a better understanding of your child’s strengths and the areas where they may need extra support. If tutors or learning support teachers are needed, they can get help sooner rather than later. You can also encourage them to explore opportunities they may not have considered, such as joining the school play if they enjoy public speaking. Celebrating what they do well helps build confidence, and that confidence can make a big difference if your child hates school and is struggling to enjoy the school day.
Although it feels like a long road just remember that school it isn’t forever. Many anti-establishment kids who do poorly at school actually go on to thrive in the real world. So if your kid is a true school hater there’s still hope!
Do you have a child who’s struggling at school? Here’s more tips about how to help them cope, learn better and make school more enjoyable.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What should I do if my child says they hate school?
If your child hates school, start by having an open, calm conversation about why they feel that way. It could be anything from bullying or friendship issues to learning difficulties or anxiety. Understanding the cause is the first step towards finding the right support.
2. Is it normal for a child to hate school?
Many children will say they hate school from time to time, especially after a tough day or a difficult assignment. However, if they consistently dread going to school or become distressed every morning, it’s important to look a little deeper and, if needed, talk to their teacher or a healthcare professional.
3. Why does my child suddenly hate school?
A child who suddenly hates school may be experiencing changes such as bullying, academic pressure, friendship problems, anxiety or challenges at home. Sometimes the reason isn’t obvious, so paying attention to changes in their behaviour and talking openly can help uncover what’s really going on.
4. Can hating school be a sign of anxiety or a learning difficulty?
Yes. Children who hate school may be struggling with anxiety, ADHD, autism, dyslexia or another learning difficulty that makes school feel overwhelming. Early support from teachers, your GP or an educational specialist can make a significant difference.
5. How can I help a child who hates school?
If your child hates school, focus on encouragement rather than pressure. Stay connected with their teacher, celebrate their strengths, help them build confidence and try to make learning relevant to their interests. Most importantly, let them know they’re supported and that you’ll work through the challenges together.
