The 10 Things You Need to Do Before You Name Your Baby

Yes, naming your baby is a big deal. Yes, it’s a hard decision to make. And, yes, people are probably going to have a lot of things to say about your decision.

So before you bestow your bub with a name, follow our 10 step plan to surefire baby naming success. Trust me, you’ll be grateful you did!

Because these 10 steps offer 100% baby name success. Okay, not really. But our baby name test will hopefully give you a bit of a chuckle. And, if anyone needs a good laugh, it’s a mum-to-be trying to choose a baby name.

The ultimate baby name test

Here’s what you need to do:

Step 1: Go to the playground and shout your proposed baby’s name out at the top of your lungs

If five or more kids turn around to look at you or answer “Yes?” then it’s a good indication your baby’s name is too popular.

Step 2: Go to a grocery store and repeat step one. Follow with “Get off the floor or we’re going home.” In your sternest mum voice of course

This will determine if you’re comfortable screaming your child’s name in public places. Because it’s gonna happen. Heaps.

Step 3: Head to the nearest primary school and tell a group of kids your proposed baby name. Ask them to comment. 

This is the best way to determine what nickname your child might cop at school.

It’s also a good idea to make a list of every single dirty or rude word you can think of and see if your proposed baby name rhymes with any of them. Sorry Bagina. You’re off the list.

Step 4: Get out your old yearbook and cross out any names of people that annoyed you back then

There’s a pretty good chance that that name is now ruined for you. Forever.

Step 5: Google your baby’s full name

Check to make sure no porn stars, serial killers or bad pop stars come up in the search.

Step 6: Check what your proposed baby’s name actually means

While you’re Googling stuff, have a look at what your baby’s name actually means. A few cute names come with some pretty depressing meanings like Seth, which means Evil God of Chaos.

Oh and Brendan, aka “stinking hair”.

And let’s not forget Cassandra, which means “she who is ignored”. Clearly the middle child.

Step 7: Consider what career suits your child’s name

If stripper comes to mind, go back to the drawing board. It’s time for a new name. If you’re looking for a million-dollar baby name, we’ve got a few suggestions on high income baby names.

Step 8: Check that your baby’s name isn’t banned

You may be surprised how many relatively normal names aren’t allowed in Australia. Like Saint, Justice and Prince, to name a few.

Step 9: Write your baby’s name backwards

Don’t make the same mistake as Marlana’s parents.

And be sure to also check if your baby’s full name initials are appropriate. It’s too late for poor Addison Summer Sutherland.

Step 10: Finally, make up a really really bad fake name to tell judgy people when they ask what you’re going to name the baby

Your baby’s real name won’t sound nearly as awful after hearing you initially wanted to call it Glork.

So there you have it – the ultimate baby name test that helps you name your baby in 10 easy steps. Check out some of our baby name articles, including this interesting baby name choice and the top baby name trends of 2018.

Avatar of Jenna Galley

Born and raised in Canada, Jenna now lives in Far North Queensland with her tribe. When the mum-of-three is not writing, you can find her floating in the pool, watching princess movies, frolicking on the beach, bouncing her baby to sleep or nagging her older kids to put on their pants.

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