You may not know this but there are 12 different types of Christmas mums in this world (you probably don’t know it because I just made it up, but, hey, go with me on this). Your Christmas mum persona depends entirely on how much Christmas spirit you give out.
So, slap on that ugly Christmas rashie, dig out your Santa hat and put on your best festive apron, it’s time to find out which Christmas mum you really are!
Meet the 12 Christmas Mums
Interior design is Ingrid’s JAM, especially at Christmas. She puts together a Christmas display to rival Myer and shares said Christmas set-up across ALL her socials.
Filter and hashtags on point.
Ingrid then returns to Insta two days later to share her new set-up after adding six more baubles and a new reindeer ornament.
Some mums love Christmas. Greta is not one of them. Oh no. Greta would rather down a bottle of cough syrup and call it a year than continue with this festive f*ckery.
But she does it anyway because her kids love it and she loves them, even if her Christmas heart is three sizes too small.
Buy ALL the Shit Sally
Sally literally bought the entire Big W toy catalogue back in June, put everything on Layby, and then “forgot” about it. So bought even MORE stuff in July, August, September, October, November and December.
Now her kids are receiving $8k worth of toys and her spare room looks like Amazon exploded. But hey, it’s Christmas. And it’s been a really shitty year.
Holly is the QUEEN of DIY and Christmas is her time to shine. And not just shine, but GLISTEN with freshly baked goodies for the neighbours, crafty Christmas gifts for the kids’ teachers and home-made gift tags made from dried fruit and fresh herbs.
Frankie has more Christmas spirit than she knows what to do with. Unfortunately, she has ZERO talent for Christmas DIY despite really wanting to take part and post her creations in one of the many Christmas Mums Facebook groups she lives for.
Her pool noodle wreath looks like a lopsided decorative vagina and don’t get me started on her candy cane Christmas cookies that resemble burnt penises or Peppa Pig’s face gone wrong.
Either way, not pretty.
Don’t Touch That Donna
Donna loves Christmas, as long as no one TOUCHES ANYTHING. Seriously, don’t even look at moving a bauble or fluffing a branch.
And if one of the kids does, you can be damned sure Donna’s gonna notice it and rearrange it when no one is watching.
Christmas Mess Mel
Christmas is for the kids and Mel is more than happy to let the kids take the reins and do it all!
Which means the tree is decorated in handmade daycare ornaments, 15 baubles on the same branch, more tinsel than should ever be allowed, and a few random bits of string with dried pasta attached to it. Don’t be surprised if you find a few toast crusts hidden among the branches.
Mel is Donna’s worst nightmare.
Christmas Eve Eve
Eve had every intention of putting the tree up “this weekend” and buying the gifts “next week”. Except now it’s Christmas Eve and things still aren’t sorted.
You’ll now find Eve hiding in the walk-in wardrobe hastily wrapping presents until 5am while her husband attempts to put up a 14 ft trampoline in the pitch dark. The race against the clock is on and it’ll be a Christmas miracle if Eve gets it done.
Party on Patty
It’s Christmas party season and Patty’s ALL FOR IT. The cocktails, the free champers, the boozy Bailey balls.
After all, ’tis the season to get drunk with your co-workers and forget you have to see them on Monday morning.
Not to mention forgetting you have to go home to your kids and adult in a few short hours. Party tonight, die a slow hungover death while the kids request numerous snacks tomorrow.
Sure, Mary loves to decorate her house with oversized inflatable Santas but she also loves to decorate herself. We’re talking handmade Christmas-patterned dresses (fabric from Spotlight, naturally), dangly Christmas tree earrings and reindeer-themed ballet shoes.
Is it extra? Entirely. Is it necessary? Entirely! It’s Christmas, after all.
You will most likely find Mary’s kids also draped head to toe in matching Christmas garb. And the dog.
Buddy the Elf
There’s Christmas excited. And then there’s Buddy the Elf excited.
If the sight of gift wrap makes your heart pound, you don’t even mind the crazy Christmas crowds and your Elf moving-skills are the envy of your Facebook friends, then you may just be a Buddy deep down.
And then there’s Karen
Karen doesn’t get a fun festive nickname because she’s too busy trolling posts on Facebook and complaining about how unsafe everyone’s tree set-up is and how the Elf is a form of government control.
Move along Karen.
So there we have it – the 12 types of Christmas mums that make the magic of Christmas happen. Which one are you?