Let’s face it. No amount of planning seems to thwart those more taxing moments of Christmas that seem to happen every year without fail.

I don’t know about in your house, but in mine, it takes a long time to recover from all those last minute preparations as I try to get everything perfect for the children. Not to mention the over-indulgence, the inevitable disagreements with my husband, and as for the wallet? Oh dear.

But is there a way to avoid those more troublesome Christmas traditions? Read on to see how I survive. It involves champagne and a lot of tongue in cheek!

1. BUDGET QUEEN

You’ve worked out a budget and stuck to a shopping list; you’ve even shopped online to avoid temptation. Yet still you’ve spent too much, and dear husband is blaming you. He seems to have forgotten that no-one would have gotten anything without you, but hey, he’s still irritable. A simple fix, my friends. Leave your husband off the Christmas list and when he’s empty handed on Christmas morning, tell him you were saving money. Sorted.

2. FLAT PACK HELL

Maybe you’re being punished. Maybe the shop assistant didn’t like you. But the flat pack is missing a vital piece… again. Of course, you don’t find out until last minute Christmas Eve, when you’re frantically trying to put it together as a Santa surprise for the kiddie-winks. Honestly, why do we think that searching the empty box three times is going to help? You just know that you’ll have to find a makeshift pipe or screw, and then the damn thing will be lopsided. Sound familiar? Let me share with you a little secret… put it up the week before and hide it under a tarp. If the kids ask what it is, tell them it’s a sack of vegetables… that they have to eat.

3. PAPER VS PLASTIC

Thirty thousand metres of wrapping paper should be enough, right? Wrong! My solution? Use plastic bags. The kids don’t care and you’ve got a cupboard full of them, right?

4. OUCH! MY HEAD

That delicious Christmas cocktail to which you’re going to treat yourself to ONE on Christmas Eve? The one in Christmas colours with that potent fruit liqueur? Yeah, well the bottle’s gone, and you’re dancing around the Christmas tree with the star of Bethlehem upon your head. Of course, your kids don’t get the memo about your hangover and you’re greeted at 5am with screaming. It’s going to be a long day. The solution? A glass of champagne for breakfast. Quite simple really.

5. OUTDONE AGAIN

It’s Christmas afternoon, the kids are happily playing, and you can finally put your feet up. Then the in-laws, who are late, turn up with a 10-metre-high blow-up dinosaur pool that needs to be manually inflated. The kids won’t take no for an answer so there’s no choice but to get those lungs inflated. And it’s the best present ever mummy; my favourite-ist in the whole world mummy; much better than anything so far mummy. Thanks a bunch, Grandma. My quick fix? Ice cream. Your kids will love you again in no time.

Merry Christmas, everybody!

Author

Eleanor is a full-time mummy, part-time editor, and rest-of-time-blogger. She’s also writing her first book! Life is busy, but she wouldn’t have it any other way. You can usually find Eleanor tapping away on her laptop, reading in bed, and hugging trees. She loves trees. She’d also really love to finish her novel at some point this century, but there always seems to be so much else to do. Despite choosing the most frantic time in her life to write a book, she’s come to realise, there really is no better time than now to follow her dreams.

2 Comments

  1. Eleanor, I see your problem.
    1. You buy gifts.
    2. You buy gifts.

    3. You buy gifts.
    4. You buy drinkies……and buy gifts.
    5. You buy gifts, but you don’t go to grandma’s house at …..5am.

    EVIL grin appearing right about…………now!

  2. If you’re like one person I know, you know they are leaving home when they should already be here…and wonder why 1/2 hour later you send them a text ” e t a” (estimated time of arrival). Then you find out the arrangement has been forgotten or they know circumstances have changed but don’t let you know. I gave one person a “blast” – I thought they must have been in accident announced in radio news.

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