Hello, my name is Jenna and I’m uncool AF. At least according to the smart-mouthed Tik-Tokking Gen Zers out there. There is a whole tribe of them causing some serious Twitter and TikTok ruckus with their millennial generation roasting.
Why am I uncool, according to the 20-somethings, teens and tweens out there? It’s not because I go to bed at 9pm most nights.
Or bookmark images of pretty feature walls as inspiration for the next time I’m browsing the aisles of Bunnings. Kid-free.
Or because I expect my Gen Z son to actually contribute to the household and set the table. #NotyerDamnedSlave
My complete and utter uncoolness comes from the fact I:
A. Wear skinny jeans.
B. Part my hair to the side (when it’s not in a bun, which I’m also pretty sure is incredibly uncool)
C. Use the laugh-cry emoji. Um..what’s wrong with the laugh-cry emoji? He’s the best one!
D. Sometimes say, “Doggo”, “Adulting” and “So, I did a thing.“ Apparently this is not a thing to say anymore.
E. One time read Harry Potter. Knowing anything about Harry Potter is highly uncool. But TBH I’m pretty sure these entitled crew think reading is general is uncool so whatevs. #laugh-cry emoji. #get off TikTok #Get a job
F. Like coffee and wine. Did you really just bring WINE into this? What did wine ever do to you??
That’s it. Oh, it’s on. Like Donkey Kong. Hold my beer.
Dear Gen Zers
Let me paint you a little picture. It’s of me. In skinny jeans. Actually, probably skinny jeggings. Oh, yes, I went there.
Hair sweaty and parted to the side, doing some ‘adulting’. Probably one of the most important ‘adulting’ jobs I’ve ever done. What? Oh, you know, just pushing a 4kg infant out of my vagina.
Cause that’s what us millennials did – we birthed you. And then raised you. Fed you. Cleaned you. Wiped yer butt. Drove you around.
And then, you grew up to learn how to tweet and perform lame-ass dances on TikTok but you still cannot figure out that dirty socks go into the laundry basket.
And you wonder why we need coffee and wine…
Seriously, child, you may be younger and know how to add and subject five different ways, but I’m a bad-ass multitasking mum who can live off two hours of sleep, put together an epic dinner with just three ingredients and knows how to fold a fitting sheet. Okay, I lied about the last one, but folded sheets are overrated.
You know what else I can do? Change the WiFi password. S1deParts4Lyf. How do you like them apples?
Yes, we like our wine and coffee.
And our skinny jeans and our activewear. We also like wearing shirts that actually have the bottom half. But, at one stage we didn’t. That’s right – your “cool” style of baggy jeans and half-tops that you invented?
Soz but that was kind of ‘our thing’ in the 90s. Until we realised we looked ridiculous. Don’t worry, you’ll figure that out soon enough.
And when you do, I’ll be here. Drinking my wine and scrolling through Insta for cute doggo pics and inspiring quotes to use on my Kmart Letter Board.
So, Gen Zers, just remember, what goes around comes around. In 15 years’ time, you’ll be the lame-arse 30-somethings rocking the mum jeans, and sipping shiraz in the garden.
And you’ll be ringing us up, begging us to come round to watch your kids and help you pick out paint samples.
And we will come. Because that’s what we millennial mums do. We love our Gen Zer kids, even when they make fun of our pant choices.
Just be grateful you weren’t named Gryffindor.