Warning: You can’t unsee this. So, if you’re eating or the kids are lurking around behind you, LOOK AWAY now.
If not, proceed with caution.
The male penis. It’s an interesting piece of equipment, isn’t it? However, it kind of takes the back seat to the holy vajajay which does pretty much all the work when it comes to childbirth.
But what if it was the mighty penis that got the glory? What if men not only had babies, but our 8-pound bundles of baby joy came out of the pork sword.
Well, wonder no more, folks, because an artist by the name of Jeff Mahannah has answered this question for us in a six-part series that is both equal parts hilarious and disturbing.
It may make you LOL … or it may haunt you for the rest of your life. One thing is for certain, you will never ever look at the penis the same way again.
If men had babies…
Brought to you by comic, Jeff Mahannah.
The first ultrasound
Such a special occasion. The happiness of hearing the heartbeat, the excitement of what’s to come, the special connection you feel as a couple.
But, wait, what in the actual eff is happening here? Well, Winston, it would appear that the baby is growing inside the male’s member. A pregnant pecker, if you will.
And this is just the beginning…
The baby bump
Walking during pregnancy – so important. Never mind the bulbous growth coming out of this guy’s shorts. That’s the biggest trouser snake we’ve ever seen.
Just keep walking, folks, nothing to see here.
The obligatory “love” maternity photo. How special.
Oh and, look, the penis popped into an outie from all the pressure…
Stretch marks and saggy balls
Here’s another close-up pic of the beauty of pregnancy, for your viewing pleasure.
So. Much. Wrong
But, of course, there is nothing more
beautiful traumatising than the actual birth. Oh, wait, yes there is.
THIS ⇓ ⇓ ⇓
That was childbirth, in all its crowning glory. If, of course, men had babies and penises were able to expand to the size of a large dinner plate.
Again, we sincerely apologise if you happen to be eating right now.
But don’t say we didn’t warn you!
And baby makes three
But, after the crowning moment is all done, there’s nothing but joyful memories. The countless baby pics, the snuggles at home, and the waterfall of tears.
And, of course, a saggy, stretchy, leaky disco stick creeping out of your pant legs.
Nope. Nothing weird about this. Nothing at all.
So, now you’ve seen it and you can’t unsee it, how are we feeling? Are we nauseous? Are we laughing?
Are we going to book our husbands for a vasectomy ASAP? Or are we simply realising just how amazing we women are?
Because, as messy as pregnancy and childbirth is, we certainly make it look a whole lot better than this shitstorm above! Wouldn’t you agree?
What to read next
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- Mum’s Drawings of Her Husband’s ‘Useless Nipples’ are the Best Thing Ever