There is a pretty massive list of what NOT to say to a new mum. There’s an even bigger list of what NOT to say to a new mum of twins or triplets.
So what should you say to a new mum of multiples? We went to the twin expert, Naomi over at Twinsfo to find out.
As she tells Mum Central, “Being a mum of twins or triplets is not an easy feat. It comes with not only a lot of love and memories but also comes with a lot of exhaustion, sleepless nights, and struggles to get into a routine that suits everyone.
So next time you meet a twin mum or a mum of multiples, try to avoid the following. And consider our suggestions instead.
“You must have your hands full”
*Insert massive eye roll here*. Yes, her hands are quite literally full. So let’s try a different approach, shall we?
Naomi suggests, “Tell her she is doing a great job. You will make her day.”
“You look exhausted”
No sh*t Sherlock. Was it the black circles under my eyes or the fact that I just put my car keys in the fridge that gave it away?
Instead of pointing out that she looks exhausted or that her house is a mess, why not ask her what you can do to help her.
Give her an opportunity to take a nap during the day, or do a bit of tidying up for her. Why not cook a couple of meals and bring them over to her? Asking what you can do to make the transition easier for her, will make her appreciate you a lot more.”
” I don’t know how you will do it”
This is a classic comment for mums expecting twins and triplets. As if this same thought doesn’t go through their minds a hundred times a day already and keeps them awake most nights.
Instead of saying how hard you think it will be for her, or saying that you don’t know how she does it, try saying something like ‘How exciting’.
Keep it simple and show your excitement for her. By being positive and only focusing on the positives it will help her to adapt to the changes and feel more comfortable with them.”
“Was it planned?”
No one PLANS twins! I mean, come on people, we know how babymaking works, don’t we? And if conceived via IVF, then guess what, it’s none of your business!
So back away from the “planned” questions and try using something a little more positive like, “What a blessing.”
When some people see someone with twins or a mum of multiples they may make a joke like ‘double trouble’ or ‘I’m glad I only had one’. They don’t mean any harm by it, but it’s also not super helpful.
“Instead of making out like twins or triplets are a negative, be positive with your words and encourage her to know that she has not only created and birthed multiple beautiful babies but that it is also a huge blessing and that you are proud of her for all that she is doing.”
Additional positive words to share
- Everything will be great!
- If anyone can handle twins/triplets – it’s you!
- Remind her how amazing she is and that she is going to be an amazing mother to these little blessings.
- Let her know how proud of her you are and that you wish you could be as strong and determined as she is.
Many of these comments can not only be made not only by people you know and are close to, but also by people you’ve only just met.
Most are not meant to be hurtful but, let’s be honest, our emotions are all over the shop when pregnant or postpartum and this goes for ALL mums. Mums of one, mums of twins, mums of triplets. Heck, I was even an emotional wreck when I brought my dog home for the first time!
So tread a little lightly.
Every new mum needs to know how well she is doing and needs encouragement from those around her – even if she doesn’t say so.
Be there to support her and continue to let her know how well she is doing. You will be surprised how much these little words can help her through the transition into being a multiples mum.”
Naomi is the founder of Twinfo and a twin mum herself. Twinfo is an online community for multiple birth parents. It is also a directory of services and products that truly meet the needs of multiple birth families. To find out more about Twinfo, visit the website or Facebook.