Quarantine has made us all a little loopy. Or has it? While some mums are busy checking the Bunnings website for rope strong enough to use to tie their kids to the fence, others are actually thriving in a world where family time is ALL THE FREAKING TIME.
Then, there are heaps of us mums who are somewhere in the middle, probably on their 24th puzzle of the month and wondering how we survived without ABC Education.
So which isolation camp do you belong in? Let’s start the parade of quarantine mums, shall we? After all, we could all use a bit of fun right now, don’t you think?
Meet the quarantine mums
Watches the news constantly. Can recite the current COVID-19 statistics for 17 different countries. Unclear on what day it is though.
Continues to straighten her hair and put on makeup every morning. Hosts weekly Trivia nights with friends through Zoom. Purposely forgets to buy bread so she can escape the house and her kids again tomorrow.
Took a nap yesterday. Might take a nap today too. Hasn’t worn pants in two weeks. Is obsessed with Tiger King memes. Hasn’t killed her husband, yet.
Annoyingly positive and perky. Is convinced colour-coding schedules will save the day. Makes her own fabric masks. Also makes passive-aggressive comments if anyone comes within 3 metres of her.
Has managed to scrub down the entire house and repaint the tiles in her bathroom. Might weed the garden tomorrow. Or build a quarantine bunker.
Forces the family on early morning hikes. Takes part in daily Lego competitions with the kids. Has become a Jedi Master in online shopping. Also in packaged baked goods.
Has taken up crafting in an attempt to keep the kids occupied. Basically just glues shit to empty toilet paper rolls. Has also taken up day drinking.
Posts pictures of her newly acquired toilet paper on social media. Dresses the cat up for fun. Also posts photos of her dressed-up cat.
Already a master of social isolation. Hasn’t seen anyone except her kids and her dog in weeks. Is perfectly okay with this. Em was built for this shit.
So, ladies, let’s hear it. Which quarantine mum, or combination of mums, are you?