Once upon a time, everything mattered. What clothes I wore. Which concert I last attended. What restaurant I dined in.
Then I had a baby. And another one. And, while trying to keep these babies fed, clean and happy PLUS keep up to the latest baby trends and must-have nursery items, I quickly lost my mind.
But I did discover something important – there are certain things in life that matter. And there are certain things in life we really shouldn’t give a stuff about.
Zero f*cks given
So, to all the mums who are struggling to determine what matters and what doesn’t, who are struggling with mum guilt and parent shame, let me break it down for you. Behold, the things we all eventually stop giving a sh*t about once kids enter our worlds. No mum guilt. No shame. And no f*cks given.
1. Being right all the time
Winning arguments is awesome. But I’ve discovered that it’s sometimes easier to ‘pretend’ to be wrong than continue an argument.
Sometimes it’s easier to just say, “You’re right, I’m wrong (even when HE IS WRONG)” to your hubby. After all, letting him “win” means you’ll have a better shot at getting him to help with the dishes.
2. Having the perfect body
Yes. It’s nice to have perky boobs and rock hard abs. But it’s also nice to eat cake. I used to choose abs. Now I choose cake. I’m pretty happy with my decision.
Truth is, perfect bodies don’t exist. Just perfect Instagram filters. And perfect bras. And perfect Spanx.
3. Barking like a banshee at our kids
Sorry if me yelling at my kids in Kmart offended anyone. But, not really. Because they were acting like little turds and needed to be set straight.
Truth is, sometimes kids misbehave in public and need to know this is not okay. And sometimes only the stern “mummy isn’t messing around voice” will do. Even in Kmart.
You have two choices – you can choose to care about what others think of you while you scold your kids. Or you can choose not to. *Hint* The latter option is better.
4. Having a clean house
Or a clean car for that matter. Yes, we feel heaps of pride when our homes look clean and sparkly. But trying to maintain this level of “pre-kid” cleanliness 24/7 is tricky. Here’s 10 things you can do to make it look like your house is clean, even when it’s actually not.
5. Owning the latest must-have gadgets
Okay, so I may not have the flashest car or the most expensive purse…but my daughter is in dance lessons. Once you start paying for dance lessons, dance costumes, dance concerts, dance studio fees, professional dance photos, you really can’t afford anything pretty for yourself. EVER.
6. Snapchat filters
Gone are the days of trying to make selfies look sweet by adding puppy eyes and bunny ears. Well, in my social media books at least. If a picture includes both of my kids semi-smiling, then it’s a winner!
No flower crown needed.
7. Attending all the social functions
FOMO? Not anymore! Flicking through the photos of your friends partying it up on Facebook from inside your kiddies’ blanket fort? Yes please!
8. Raising perfectly manicured children
We’re not raising robots. We’re raising children. Strong-willed, spirited individuals who sometimes forget to put on shoes. And other times choose not to wear any at all.
9. Looking like a total weirdo in public
Letting our guards down around other people isn’t easy. But it’s kind of standard when you have kids who are experts at embarrassing you. In time, you learn to just not care. You discover that, swaying back and forth in the grocery store checkout, even when baby isn’t in your arms, feels normal, even if it seems strange.
You learn that wearing bits of uncooked pasta and string around your neck because your son made it for you is more important than what others may think. And you find out that doing the hokey pokey at the park because it’s making your daughter belly laugh is well worth the weird looks from passersby.
10. Our status to strangers (and Judgy McJudgelots)
There’s a lot of reasons to judge us mums. We may have disheveled hair. And paunchy tummies. We may yell a lot. And bribe our kids to behave. We may breastfeed in public. We may not.
But, honestly, it doesn’t matter mums. It really doesn’t matter what the snobby school mum thinks of your greying hair. It really doesn’t matter what the creepy old dude giving you the evil eye thinks of you feeding your baby on a park bench. What matters is this – you love your family. You would do anything for your kids. And you are simply trying to do the best not to screw them up.
THIS is what is worth focusing on. THIS, mums is what’s worth giving a sh*t about.
Having trouble ditching the mum guilt? Have a read of sometimes good mums drink, swear and lose their sh*t too. It should clear that mum guilt right up!