Ever feel like you’re just not prepared for this whole motherhood thing? Don’t worry – we’ve got your back.
And we’ve got exactly what you need to get through those crazy days with kids!
Baby? Toddler? School-age child? One of each? Whatever stage of #mumlife you’re currently enjoying, you’ll be armed and ready for the day with our handy motherhood survival kits.
Baby survival kit
In addition to the usual nappies, wipes, wraps, and clothes, make sure you’ve got:
- A few sneaky sachets of coffee powder. Tiredness is bound to strike… often.
- Extra large sunnies to cover any dark circles or tear stains when you find yourself ugly crying on the go.
- 15 different brands of dummies. All of which your baby will probably hate.
- A lanyard to hold your keys. Or else you WILL lose them. Hint: Check the fridge.
- A few spare pairs of undies (for you). Just in case you happen to laugh. Or sneeze.
- A new voice message on your phone, reminding people that you are unable to answer the phone for the next 7-10 years. Text instead.
- Extra baby socks for when your baby loses just one.
- A boob massager. Because mastitis is the equivalent to the seventh circle of Hell.
- The Uber Eats app to order food you can eat one-handed.
- An extra remote control, phone, and set of keys. To give to your baby to play with. Because mum toys are way more fun than the pile of clean, soft baby toys you’ve spent a fortune on.
- A cleaning fairy. Who comes out at night and magically does the dishes, folds the washing and cleans the bathrooms.
Toddler and preschooler survival kit
You’ve got the nappy pants, the sippy cup, the mattress protector for the bedsheets. You’re sorted, right? HA! Here are a few more things to add:
- Bandaids. So MANY bandaids. Because bubble wrapping your child to prevent injury isn’t really an option.
- Activewear. Because chasing a mini human around the house, shops, park, is now your life. Might as well dress the part.
- An endless supply of chicken nuggets.
- Also, an endless supply of apples so he can take one bite out of it and leave it on the counter.
- Plastic cups in EVERY single colour. Because, as rule #2,454 of motherhood states: Hell hath no fury like the toddler who doesn’t get the red cup.
- A mouthguard/helmet. Wear at night to protect yourself from getting a toddler foot in the face.
- Earplugs to drain out the constant questions.
- Pain meds. Headaches and toddlers go hand in hand.
- Snacks – ALL the snacks. Basically, go to the grocery store and buy out the entire snack section. Repeat. Forever.
- A blanket to put on the car window and prevent “the sun is following me” tantrum.
- A time-out corner. For you, of course. Stocked with wine.
School-age children survival kit
- Tissues for that first day of school drop-off.
- Bars of chocolate to eat on the go as you ship the kids from one activity to another.
- An extra large glass of wine. For those days when the kids are extra annoying.
- A ‘who gets the front seat’ schedule to ward off the daily front-seat fight (if you happen to have two or more school-age kids).
- A calculator to help you do the kids’ maths homework. Possibly also Google, because maths is extra hard now.
- Sticky notes to keep track of the 8 million things on your plate.
- A Minecraft/Roblox/Fortnite for Dummies Guide. Also, an Urban Slang Guide to decipher the words they’re throwing at you.
- A GPS tracker to put on their hats, lunch boxes and water bottles so they don’t end up in the Lost and Found AGAIN!
- Hair ties to keep the handy mum bun in its place.
- Plenty of pocket change to use as bribes whenever you need something done and can’t be bothered to do it yourself.
- And, most importantly, a time machine to prevent them from growing up anymore!
So there you go. Motherhood survival kits to get your through the first 18 years or so… What else can we add to the list?
What to read next
- Got babies? Read: 11 Things I Planned to do on Mat Leave, Before I Realised Babies Are Effing Hard Work
- Got toddlers? Check out: I May Be Two, But I Still Need You: This is How Your Toddler Really Feels
- Got preschoolers? Have a look at: Have a Preschooler Who Won’t Sit Still? There’s a Good Reason for That
- Got school-age kiddies? Head over to: Awesome Things About Having School-Age Children