This has got to be the most inappropriate picture book of all time. And probably not the best book to give to a six-year-old. 

But one grandma didn’t get the memo that not all picture books are meant for kids when she gave her granddaughter, Emmersyn this gem of a gift.

Presenting If Animals Could Talk a.k.a a book definitely NOT for children!

If Animals Could Talk a picture book

Based on the cover alone, it seems like an innocent enough picture book, suited for children, especially children who love talking animals. I mean, what child wouldn’t want to read a book about talking animals?

But then you open the book. And, turns out, these talking animals are potty-mouthed, vagina-bashing, drug addicts. No jokes.

If Animals Could Talk book


Thanks Nana!

Mum Tiffany shared the hilarious #nanafail on her Twitter page, complete with a few illustrations of the characters in the If Animals Could Talk book.

If Animals Could Talk

If Animals Could Talk

“I’m dying,” Tiffany wrote on Twitter. “My mom bought this book for my 6 year old and I just called to ask if she had actually opened the book. She hadn’t.”

Of course, the Twitter world is going bonkers over If Animals Could Talk and loving the nana with a preference for naughty picture books! And who can blame them?

X-rated animal encounters

parody book

While some of the animals’ thoughts – like Pizza Dog up there – are rated PG, others are certainly not! Take the key-losing Kangaroo. Or the wiener dog with an issue with vaginas. But my favourite naughty animal has got to be the coke-snorting polar bear.

If Animals Could Talk extract

The best part? Imagining six-year-old Emmersyn trying to sound out this tricky sentence:  “Alright let’s tear the roof off this mutha fucka”.

See grandparents… this is why you always, always OPEN the book before you buy it.

Looking for more hilarious books like If Animals Could Talk? Check out Nobody Likes a Cockblock – A Picture Book for Adults Who Aren’t Getting Any. 


Born and raised in Canada, Jenna now lives in Far North Queensland with her tribe. When the mum-of-three is not writing, you can find her floating in the pool, watching princess movies, frolicking on the beach, bouncing her baby to sleep or nagging her older kids to put on their pants.

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