A Stay-at-Home Mum has divided parents after admitting she wants to hire a cleaner, even though she believes keeping the house clean is “her job.” We get why she’s conflicted.
Being a Stay-at-Home Mum seems to come with one very big expectation: that you should somehow raise happy kids, cook every meal from scratch, keep the house sparkling, stay on top of the washing, remember every school event, organise everyone’s lives… and never ask for help.
It’s 11 am.
The toddler has already unpacked every toy in the lounge room. The baby refuses to nap unless she’s attached to you like Velcro. There’s a mountain of washing waiting to be folded, dinner hasn’t even crossed your mind yet, and someone has just tipped yoghurt onto the dog.
Then your cleaner knocks on the door.
Would you feel guilty?
That’s exactly the question one Stay-at-Home Mum asked in an online parenting forum after admitting she hires someone to clean her house. She was worried people would think she was lazy because, after all, she’s “home all day.”
The responses came flooding in. Some people insisted she should be able to manage everything herself. Others argued that raising children is already a full-time job and that if a cleaner helps keep everyone sane, why on earth wouldn’t you?
So… where do you stand?
Why Do We Feel So Guilty?
Somewhere along the way, we were sold a pretty unrealistic picture of what staying home with kids looks like.
Apparently we’re supposed to:
- Raise happy, emotionally secure children.
- Keep the house sparkling.
- Cook healthy meals every night.
- Stay on top of laundry.
- Organise birthdays, school forms and appointments.
- Keep everyone fed, dressed and on time.
- Exercise.
- Drink enough water.
- Be grateful.
- Smile while doing it all.
Oh… and don’t forget to have dinner ready before your partner gets home.
No pressure.
It’s no wonder so many Stay-at-Home Mums feel guilty about hiring a cleaner. Society has somehow convinced us that if we’re not earning an income outside the home, we should somehow be able to do absolutely everything else as well.
Spoiler alert: nobody can.
The Real Job of a Stay-at-Home Mum Isn’t Only About Housework
Here’s the bit people often forget.
Looking after children isn’t something you squeeze in between vacuuming and scrubbing bathrooms.
It is the job.
If you’ve ever spent a day with a toddler, you already know.
A typical day probably looks something like this:
- Making approximately 487 snacks.
- Wiping mysterious sticky fingerprints off every surface.
- Breaking up sibling arguments over absolutely nothing.
- Changing nappies.
- Reading the same book six times.
- Finding shoes that have somehow ended up in the freezer.
- Negotiating with a tiny human who has decided pants are offensive.
- Packing lunch boxes.
- Washing bottles.
- Comforting tears.
- Starting the washing.
- Forgetting the washing.
- Washing the washing again.
And somehow…
People still ask, “So what did you do all day?”
Have you ever looked around your house at 3 pm and wondered how it somehow became more chaotic than it was this morning? As a Stay-at-Home Mum, you will be spending your entire day caring for little people while the laundry grows, the toys multiply, and the dishes seem to wash themselves… except they don’t!
Sometimes it doesn’t matter how hard you work. The house still looks like a tornado has been through it.
The Job Nobody Sees
Then there’s the invisible workload.
The one nobody notices because it all happens inside your head.
You’re remembering:
- Doctor’s appointments.
- School excursions.
- Library books.
- Birthday presents.
- Swimming lessons.
- Grocery lists.
- The fact you’ve nearly run out of toothpaste.
- Which child suddenly refuses strawberries this week.
It’s called the mental load, and it follows you everywhere.
Even when the kids are finally asleep, your brain is already planning tomorrow.
This mental juggling act is exhausting enough before anyone even mentions cleaning the shower.
Sorry, But the Floors Can Wait
Some people still believe that if you’re a Stay-at-Home Mum, keeping the house spotless should come with the territory.
We disagree.
Children need:
- Your attention.
- Your patience.
- Your hugs.
- Your encouragement.
- Your time.
- Your presence.
The dust?
It’ll still be there tomorrow.
Your toddler asking you to build another Lego tower?
One day they’ll stop asking.
Choose the Lego tower.
Every time.
Your Body Matters Too, Mum
Sometimes hiring a cleaner has nothing to do with convenience.
Sometimes it’s about survival.
Maybe you’ve had a C-section.
Maybe your back gives out every time you vacuum.
Maybe you’re pregnant.
Maybe your pelvic floor has other ideas.
Maybe you’re living with arthritis or chronic pain.
Deep-cleaning bathrooms and hauling laundry baskets around the house isn’t exactly gentle exercise.
Protecting your health isn’t lazy.
It’s smart.
Hiring a Cleaner Doesn’t Mean You’ve Given Up
Here’s another myth we’d love to retire.
Hiring a cleaner doesn’t suddenly mean someone else is raising your family.
You’re probably still:
- Doing every load of laundry.
- Cooking dinner.
- Packing lunches.
- Tidying toys.
- Grocery shopping.
- Managing everyone’s schedules.
- Cleaning up after breakfast, lunch and dinner.
A cleaner usually comes in and tackles the jobs nobody enjoys anyway:
- Bathrooms.
- Floors.
- Shower screens.
- Skirting boards.
- Dusting.
- Deep kitchen cleans.
That’s hardly outsourcing your entire life, now is it?
So… What Does a Stay-at-Home Mum Actually Do?
| Daily Responsibility | Time Required |
|---|---|
| Childcare | 8–12+ hours |
| Meal preparation | 2–3 hours |
| Laundry | 1–2 hours |
| Household organisation | 1 hour |
| Shopping & errands | 1–2 hours |
| Cleaning up after children | Continuous |
| Bedtime routine | 1–2 hours |
A Stay-at-Home Mum isn’t sitting around drinking coffee while Bluey babysits the kids.
Your day revolves around childcare, meal planning, cooking, cleaning, teaching, nursing, organising appointments, managing the family calendar and being everyone’s emotional support person, all at the same time.
You’re constantly switching between jobs, often before you’ve even finished the last one. And unlike most jobs, there are no lunch breaks, no clocking off, and definitely no sick days.
Can You Actually Afford a Cleaner?
Of course, money matters.
Not every family has room in the budget for a fortnightly cleaner, and that’s perfectly okay.
But if it fits comfortably into your household finances, it might actually be one of the best investments you can make.
Instead of spending your Saturday scrubbing toilets, you could be:
- At the park.
- Watching your kids kick a football.
- Having a family movie night.
- Actually sitting down with a cup of tea while it’s still hot.
Sometimes you’re not paying for a clean house.
You’re buying your weekend back.
Parenting Was Never Meant to Be Done Alone
Your partner isn’t “helping” around the house.
They’re sharing responsibility.
Because this isn’t your job with someone occasionally pitching in.
It’s your family’s home.
Everyone who lives in it should contribute in whatever way works best for your family.
That might mean one person cooks.
One person folds the washing.
Or maybe someone else cleans the bathrooms every fortnight.
There are no medals for doing everything yourself.
Every family’s situation is different, so there isn’t a universal answer to whether hiring a cleaner is the right choice. The key is to weigh your finances, wellbeing, and the demands of daily family life before making a decision.
So… Would We Judge You?
Not even a little bit.
Motherhood isn’t a competition to see who can survive on the least amount of help.
If hiring a cleaner gives you more patience, protects your health, and gives you more time with your kids, that’s not failing.
That’s making a decision that works for your family.
And isn’t that exactly what good parenting is?
At the End of the Day…
One day your children won’t remember whether the skirting boards were dusted every Tuesday.
They’ll remember movie nights on the couch.
Dance parties in the kitchen.
Bedtime stories.
Cuddles after a hard day.
The way you made them feel.
So if someone else scrubs your shower while you make those memories?
We say that’s money well spent.
Now over to you…
Would you judge a Stay-at-Home Mum for hiring a cleaner, or would you book one yourself if you could?
