Move over ‘Go the F*ck to Sleep’, there’s a new naughty best seller in town. Nobody Likes a Cockblock is a picture book that’s most definitely NOT for kids.

This adult picture book parody is aimed squarely at mum and dad. It’s funny. And mostly because it’s true.

When Go the F*ck to Sleep came out, parents worldwide immediately identified. The desperation, the frustration, the sheer can’t-take-one-more-second-of-you-ness of getting your kids to bed resonated around the globe. We loved how that spirited book dared to put in words how so many parents feel at bedtime.

Well, there’s a new naughty picture book for adults on the shelves and it’s taking things to a whole new, outrageous level. Forget getting the kids down for the night, this title is all about that moment when you’re just about to have a little ‘mummy-daddy-time’ and a small person interrupts.

Nobody Likes a Cock Block

Nobody Likes a C*ckblock is crass, dirty and altogether hilarious. And really, it’s funny because it’s true. This book’s 32-pages of inappropriate prose will leave you laughing about your sad, post-kids sex life. In keeping with the ‘innocence’ (and I use that term very, very loosely) the story is illustrated with woodland creatures. Because well, anything else makes it a porn mag.

Described as ‘a children’s book for parents who aren’t getting any’ here’s what the publishers say…

If you’re a parent who knows the pain of hearing your toddler cry over the baby monitor the second magic was about to go down (no pun intended!) in your love den, this book is for you. 

If you’re a parent whose 4-year-old seems to know the moment you’re about to break that month-long dry spell and takes that opportunity to crap their pajama pants, this book is for you.

If you’re a parent with cobwebs on your genitals who can’t remember the last time they had an “O” that wasn’t an “Oreo” cookie eaten while crying about their blue balls (or blue ovaries) this book is for you.

Cockblocking by children is a serious condition that affects millions of parents around the world.

If you like to share a laugh with your partner and you’re not easily offended, this title is a great addition to the family (ahem!) library. Here’s a little excerpt of what you can expect. And yes, we have already warned you, this book is graphic!

Nobody Likes a Cock Block

The stars are out, it’s dark outside. I can see that there’s sleep inside of your eyes. Stay warm in your bed, on our door do not knock. Because nobody likes a cockblock .

The train’s leaving the station, it’s about to go down.My ticket is stamped for a trip to Pound Town. Your job is to sleep like the heaviest rock. Because nobody likes a cockblock.

And so on and so on.

If you want to see the book in full, here’s a reading of it. Again, this is not workplace viewing. And definitely not suitable for kids. Enjoy!

Love a funny parody? Then don’t miss our review on the super hilarious That’s Not My Husband.

Author

Mother-of-two. Tea lover. Lego Ninja. Expert in carpet Play Dough extraction.

Victoria Louis is a 30-something writer based in Sydney, NSW. A former marketing manager who loves to laugh there’s no topic she won’t explore. Victoria is full of opinion, big on kindness and believes the day is always better with a dash of lipstick.

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