No Toy Guns For You! And Other Stupid Sh*t I Used to Say Before I Had Kids

Recently the Duchess of Cambridge, Prince George and Prince Charlotte were snapped playing on the sidelines of a Polo match.

The trio looked every bit as polished as they always do. Princess Charlotte and Kate wore flowing sundresses while Prince George sported his signature polo shirt and shorts.

But the critics were oh-so-quick to point out that something was royally wrong with this picture perfect setting. Because, Prince George and a little friend were snapped playing with toy guns.

Prince George toy gun
Image source: Twitter

Yes, folks. Alert the media. We have some breaking news for you:

Four-year-old boy plays with toy gun. People lose their shit.

Of course, the social media shamers came out in droves, criticising the Duchess for letting her son play with a toy gun.

As one Twitter ranter wrote, “Completely tone deaf of Kate Middling [sic] to give Prince George a toy gun. Doesn’t she read the papers in her own country with all the gun deaths? If the Duchess of Sussex had done this, she would be excoriated in the media! Lucky George isn’t black or police would have shot him.”

Cue the eye roll.

Never mind the fact that these are toy guns. Or the fact that he is a four-year-old boy who wants to be a police officer when he grows up and happens to also have a dad who enjoys hunting.

mum central
Image source: Twitter

Toy gun control and other lies we tell ourselves

The Duchess of Cambridge isn’t the first mum to let her son or daughter play with toy guns. My eight-year-old’s room literally looks like an artillery museum complete with water pistols, Nerf guns, bow & arrows and every other gun currently stocked at Big W. Even though I hate guns, my son loves them. Like 99% of boys his age.

Ironically enough, I used to be in the No Toy Guns Ever Camp. No son of mine would be caught playing with a toy gun! Not a chance.

In fact, I used to be part of several elite camps before actually having kids. Like the No Dummies Group. And the Only Organic Baby Food club.

Then I had kids. And realised these groups are not for me.

Truth is, I said a lot of stupid shit before I became a parent. How many of these sound familiar to you?

things I swore my kids would never do - play video games and eat on the couch

1. My kids will never play with violent toys.

If you don’t give them a toy gun, they can make pretty much anything into a pretend gun – a stick, a fork, their penis. Plastic toy gun isn’t looking too bad now, is it? At least they don’t shoot wee.

2. My children will ALWAYS be well-dressed.

By “well-dressed” I meant, “dressed”. And by “always” I meant, “shut up and stop making stupid promises to yourself”.

3. No screens, no video games, no Youtube.

Then I laughed and laughed and laughed. While my kids played Fortnite.

4. And definitely no swearing!

Stop acting like little sh*theads and I won’t swear. Problem solved.

5. No formula, no takeaway, no sugar, no processed foods, no packaged foods and definitely no soft drink!

Healthy home-cooked foods only. While I ride a magical unicorn that poops glitter. And then cleans the glitter up off my floors. Oh, and also cooks them these mythical healthy, home-cooked meals three times a day, 365 days a year, for the next 18 years.

6. Meals at the dinner table only.

Not in the car. Or on the carpet. Or on the couch. Nope. Never.

Except pretty much every day.

No parent is perfect. We all occasionally let our guards down, we all occasionally let our kids out in public with tomato-sauce-stained-T-shirts and we all occasionally go back on our promises.

Whether Kate was once part of the “No Toy Gun Club” or not, we think she’s doing a pretty freakin’ awesome job at raising her kids in the spotlight. After all, we may see the occasional toy gun, but I can promise you, we will never see a tomato-stained T-shirt!

Looking for more parenting rules that you more than likely broke? Here’s a few more to smile at.

Avatar of Jenna Galley

Born and raised in Canada, Jenna now lives in Far North Queensland with her tribe. When the mum-of-three is not writing, you can find her floating in the pool, watching princess movies, frolicking on the beach, bouncing her baby to sleep or nagging her older kids to put on their pants.

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